It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Coming out of the Closet?

No, the title is not referring to myself or any of my fellow DOUI bloggers. We're all as straight as a granite yardstick.

The closet in question is the property of a Japanese man who failed to notice that a 58 year-old woman had been living in it for a year.

A year. That's 12 months, 52 weeks, and 365 days of going to hang up your coat and not noticing the middle-aged, homeless matron curled up on a small mattress on your hat shelf.

I realise that the average Japanese man works fairly hard, and that some single people don't spend a great deal of time at home. I also realise that Japanese culture has caused people to adapt to tiny enclosed spaces, such as capsule hotels and the tunnel crawl in the second stage of Sasuke.

However, the bloke who owned this home went a flipping year without so much as a clue that a living, breathing human being was ensconced in his closet. He was only finally awakened from his gormless state by the absence of food, and this over a period of several months.

"Hmmm... that's the fifth time this week the cuttlefish snacks have vanished. I wonder if the neighborhood cats are getting in here?"

Didn't he hear the munching? The inevitable flatulence or leg tightening during moments where his uninvited guest had to go but couldn't, because he was at home strenuously avoiding his closet? Didn't she occasionally moan in her sleep? Snore? ...Have that experience where you dream you're falling and then loudly jerk yourself awake?

After about a year, he finally discovered that someone was in the house when he had a security camera placed in the home and noticed someone moving about his bachelor pad. Even then he thought the woman was breaking in. I guess that would explain the absence of broken glass or mangled locks, right?

My conclusion: This woman is the greatest ninja of our age. Sign her up for Kunoichi right now... and check your closets.

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