The Best of DOUI for 2005

To celebrate our upcoming first anniversary on January 20th we decided to look back to the highlights from our first year here at The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas. (And not simply to impress the people from the Bloggies. Although if it helps...)

We start with our Top 30 posts, as chosen by us, listed in chronological order of their appearance. After that is a selection of honourable mentions that didn't quite make the top thirty.
So, look back, reminisce, laugh with us, weep with us, and wonder along with us just what the hell we were thinking when we wrote this crap.

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The "TOP 30"

• Jorge Carlito to the Rescue - Our esteemed colleague shows us his cinematic flair.
• It's Quiet Out There (Harry Potter Version) - The first of Earl Fando's many cheap ploys to increase readership.
• Starting the Trend, Mr. Myself - JCV continues his experiments in free verse. It's not our fault by the way.
• Bottoms Up - ...apparently, some people get their buzz in their britches. It's not what you think.
• Space, the Final Frontier or: How I Learned to Stop Whining and Love the Balm. - One of Stew's. Star Trek, the 2004 US Presidential Election, one hell of a long title.
• I Didnt' Get Died, People, but GAN Is Coming - The Great American Novel by a great where ever JCV's from.
• Lobsterfest in Brobdingnag - Stew interviews a lobster. No, we're not joking.
• What Can We Do About the Rising Cost of Gas? Read On - Stew reports on Lucas P. Short's Congressional testimony. 
• Go on My Heart Will, Young Skywalker - Stew tests George Lucas' Star Wars is Titanic theory.
• Cell-Block Journals? They're a Good Thing - Martha Stewart's prison journal.
• I Love You, I Love Me - Barney the Dinosaur has some serious moral issues.
• 私達は踊りましょうか。(Shall we dance?) - Richard Gere and the Prime Minister of Japan cut a rug. (Windows Japanese language support required to read the entire post.)
• Something About This Movie Bugs Me - Mansquito, the Stew Miller way.
• Jorge Carlito Critiques American Idol - He really should be added as a judge, if only to annoy Simon Cowell.
• Ladies and Gentlemen...Elvinova! - Casanova ain't got nothin' on the King of Rock-n-Roll.
• The Force Flowing Through Me Like Thoughts of Devito - Star Wars through the hyperpixilated prism of J. Carlito Viejo. Some Danny DeVito too, for some reason.
• Zimpter and Wanda Sykes - Not as scandalous as it sounds.
• The Worst Product Placement Joke Ever Made - You know those stories about people finding body parts in their fast food? OK, now add Silence of the Lambs.
• The Thing that Is Next that Is Big - Sometimes, just sometimes, we wonder if JCV isn't a little obsessed with Danny DeVito...in a completely plutonic way, of course.
• Haute Cuisine!!! (Um...No Carrots for Me Please) - Earl makes a very special appearance on Iron Chef. (As many Wikipedia readers know.)
• The Force is The How You Going to Say With You - JCV saw Star Wars: Episode III. Possibly.
• Summer Blockbuster Busting Blocks All Over America - Viejo the screenwriter moves us. Starring Danny DeVito, of course.
• Nerdlies of the World Unite - Remember when G.I. Joe with the Kung Fu grip was all the rage. Seems like eons ago.
• Bond No More! - If James Bond were real? Smashing fellow... literally.
• Driving Ms. Huffington: or, the Evils of Muscadine Wine. - Luke chauffeurs Arianna Huffington. The limo scene in No Way Out it's not...
• Green Acres Is the Place to Be - Stew remembers it a little differently from the rest of us.
• War of the Worlds - The Expurgated Version - We cut out the part where Tom Cruise jumps on the alien's couch.
• Flying Ford Anglia - The Rest of the Story - Paul Harvey tells it like it is.
• Two Giants of the Cinema Talk to A Small Fry. - Rowling. Jackson. Miller. Chaos.
• Good Wholesome Entertainment...With A Twist. - Cowboys on cowboy films. No, no...writing about cowboy films!

The Honourable Mentions

• Meet the Authors - Our very first post. As you will note, at least one of the "authors" hasn't turned up yet.
• Rejected Names for This Blog - We could have been Zimpter Fiforg's Challenge to the Man. Aren't you glad we aren't?
• And the Oscar Goes to... - Stew Miller analyzes the Oscar's erm...Technical Awards.
• JCV Loving the Poetry - Jorge Carlito Viejo...poet? Seamus Heaney's not exactly losing any sleep.
• Well It Ain't Poetry - Stew's old friend Lukas P. Short offers some pithy proverbial platitudes.
• I'll Have What the Squirrel Is Having - Stew Miller loves Super Bowl Commercials... can't you tell?
• Am I Obsessing on Whippets? - Stew... yes you are. For the love of Scooby Doo, stop it.
• Lineup Suggestions for JCVTV - Earl attempts to build viewership for Jorge Carlito's network.
• Perelman Would Say It Better - More on Super Bowl advertising from a man who's seen them all.
• Bad Possible Product Names - Earl proves that marketers could do worse.
• Speaking of Bottoms - Stew investigates a drinking trend that we hope will fall flat on it's arse.
• GAN? The GAN? - Earl researches the Great American Novel, just in case the joke hasn't worn thin.
• More on the GAN - Stew chimes in, just in case the topic is not completely dead by now.
• Best Pictures Are Worth A Thousand Words - Who knew the Vaught Corsair figured into Oscar nominated films so prominently?
• Und Zee Nubel Gues Tu? - Earl analyses potential Nobel Peace Prize candidates.
• The Day After - Stew reviews the Oscars and our live blog and explains why he wasn't there for the bloody thing (Earl's note: Sorry...I thought I'd got over it.)
• 31 Flavors You Won't See for Yahoo's Birthday - Earl goes where Baskin-Robbins simply won't go...thank goodness.
• From the FUUU-TTTTTUUUUURRRREEEE!!!!!! - Coming soon to a theater near you: The Steve Fossett Story, starring Burl Ives as the intrepid explorer.
• Careful with That Rod and Reel Laddie - Some prudent advice for nude colonists.
• Evil Barney Inc. Theme Song - We haven't been sued by PBS, yet. Thank heavens for the parody clauses in libel law.
• Bartlett's Quotes... The Whole Story - The whole messy detail on some historical quotes.
• The Mostest Favorite Receipe of JCV - Jorge Carlito Viejo tempts our taste buds...we think. We're not really sure what the hell he's talking about.
• "Spring Break Shark Attack" - Earl dreams of programming for CBS.
• Wife Swap Meets the Contender - Stew responds with ratings gold.
• Music to My Ears...Well, Somebody's Ears - What, you've never heard of Grunge Pirates of Omaha before?
• We're Fools 24/7 365!!!!!!!!!!!! - Dutch Rock-n-Roll isn't all it's cracked up to be.
• Kirk...Help Me Kirk! - The latest in sociopathic online games.
• We Want the GAN!! We Want the GAN!! - Stew flirts with the Great American Novel.
• Secrets of The Masters - Part II - Little known and possibly fictional tidbits about the most exclusive tournament in golf.
• Miss OnStar Lonely Hearts - Someone at OnStar has got a call just like this. We just know it.
• Take the Challenge!!! - Earl plays a familiar Internet game.
• Challenge Taken! - Stew's turn in the game.
• Zimpter Fiforg...Greetings from Hollywood - Zimpter chimes in.
• This Makes April 15th All Worth It - Americans' tax dollars at work.
• Happy Earth Day!! - Stew relates Lukas P. Short's spectacular Earth Day celebration plans.
• Yahoo! Gets Earth Day Crazy! (Edited Version...no, really) - 10 Ways to Save the World (some superpowers required.)
• American Idol Unmasked! - The real dirt! Well, maybe some dust and a smudge.
• Government 101 - A primer on U.S. legislative practice. Bonus: Spot the comedy hommages.
• So Long Suckers! I Mean that in A Loving Way. - Stew plans his Disney World vacation.
• Is This Why Donald Never Wears Pants - Donald Duck and Steve Martin tie the knot. Includes photographic evidence.
• Frequent Flyer Miles from Hell - The great airport experiences...to avoid.
• I'm Baaaaaaackkkk!!! - Stew's Disney World travelogue and expose'.
• What a Bloot of Frobious Offengi! - The closest we'll ever come to being a real dictionary.
• Potter, Harry Potter - Potter does Bond. No, not like that you randy bastards!
• That Article Caused Me to Produce Greenhouse Gases! - Stew Miller versus the Sunday Times.
• How's the Weather Up There? - Reportedly, some Chinese are slightly fixated on height.
• I Robot - We have seen the future, and it is rather silly.
• Kill Who? - Caution: Extremely violent... in a silly and cute sort of way.
• Kaba Kaba Kaba Kaba Kabbalah Chameleon - Lukas P. Short investigates the Light Party.
• Katie...Tom... Get a Room - Apparently, at some point, they did.
• Get Your Bleeding Scrotum Off My Neck! - A celebrity's practical joke gone awry.
• Tomkat Is All Wet - Not as risque as it sounds. Stew interviews Cruise.
• Greatest Film Quotes of All Time? Ha! - Film dialogue the way it was meant to be.
• One Small Step for the, How You Going to Say, Small Person - From DeVito to Davis...a step up or down? We don't know. Who's taller?
• Peter Jackson Goes Ape - The monkeyshines behind King Kong.
• Wishing Upon A Star? Wanna Buy A Comet? - The perils of interstellar business transactions.
• How You Going To Say, Peoples Going Nuts - Besides Jorge Carlito Viejo, that is.
• The Tour of France...A Wino's Tale - Don't get your humdinger caught in the spokes.
• A Niblick into the Old Principal's Nose - Stew bunkers down without his slob wedge.
• Harry Potter - The Inside Story! - An expose' of the book, that has the added benefit of being highly inaccurate.
• The Great White Warwick Way - You can see the breakdown coming a mile away.
• Escape from Potterworld! - Harry Potter release parties aren't all fish and chips, you know.
• "Oh, You Must Have Been A Beautiful Monkey..." - The Scopes Trial meets The Planet of the Apes. In Sensurround! (OK, not really...)
• "I Canna' Get the Power!!!" - A tribute to James Doohan.
• The Greatest American Rock and Roll Band? - No offense, but it's not Pearl Jam.
• If Cable Theft You Commit, We Will NOT Acquit. - O.J. Simpson: Cable Bandit.
• First Annual Panda Naming Contest... - The National Zoo in Washington D.C. has yet to recognize the results of our superior version.
• A Primer of British Sport - Football, Cricket, Rugby, Hockey, Bowls, Darts, Toad in the Hole, etc... all you need to know.
• He's Doin' It for the Chizzle, My Bizzles. - Football in America, the hip-hop way.
• DOUI versus the FONZ! - The Friends of the National Zoo, not Henry Winkler. We're still bitter.
• The Wilder Columbian Expo - "You get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!"
• Little Buddy!!! - Bob Denver passes on.
• DOUI vs. the FONZ, Act II (A Wretched Hippo) - The rather one-sided battle continues.
• Julia Child - Punked?? - She didn't mind a meal that included physical violence.
• ISO - Is It of the Devil? - Stew answers the question. Yes, he is bitter. very, very bitter.
• The Blackout at Bob's Big Boy Burbank - Disaster in the land of make-believe.
• Give This Hole a Home!! - We take the term "unfortunate ideas" seriously around here.
• Post #502: A New Beginning - The Sequel - Stew celebrates our five hundred...and second post. He must have not got the memo.
• Souvenir Collectors - Jorge Carlito in the big house. If it's good enough for Martha Stewart...
• DOUI versus the FONZ - Part IV - A New Hope - More of Earl pestering the FONZ.
• Sniffles Rides Again - Behold the glory of a mouse called Sniffles...all right Sniffles, shut your bloody gob already.
• ...and Speaking of Golf - Just be glad Stew doesn't fish as well.
• An Oldie but A Goodie - A "classic" Fando/Miller piece. "Peter Saltpork" was not amused.
• It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's...Nick Cage's son? - What were they thinking?
• The Rare Speckled Hollywood Loons... - They have baby naming books for everyone these days.
• Smurfed Out in the Prime of Life...More or Less. - Superfriends vs. the Smurfs! Well what did you want, more DOUI vs. the FONZ?
• All Smurf Breaks Loose in Smurfland!!!!!!!! - We had no idea that Strawberry Shortcake was such a psycho.
• Smurf This! - The tragic, scandalous, and ludicrous Smurf War ends.
• "Hey Mick, Cut Me... and A Little Lipo Wouldn't Hurt." - Getting stronger?
• Now This Is Just Silly!!!!!!!!! - One small step for the Glorious People's Republic...we suppose.
• DOUI versus the FONZ - Part VI - Tai What??? - One more, for nostalgic purposes.
• Bond, Jane Bond - The new Bond is a bit of a wuss.
• I Promised More Costumes - Halloween costumes for the mental.
• Tickle Me Elmo? Just Not in Public, Man! - Et tu, Elmo? Stop giggling you twit!
• Great Halloween Pranks for Young and Old - We are not legally responsible for anyone who attempts these. F. Johnny Lee made us say that.
• They're Silk and Very Comfortable...So How's the Flooding Situation? - Reasons to clear out the old e-mail once in a while.
• I'd Like A Little Place in the Fra Mauro Highlands. - If you believe that, we've got some more real estate on the moon we'll sell you.
• Pump That Body! - Hell hath no fury like a comic blog on a bad product name.
• Smell the Clean Air...Do It Quickly. Welcome to New Jersey. - They're still pissed.
• Ruining the Tourist Trade for Everyone - What's good for New Jersey is good for New Mexico, South Dakota, West Virginia, Germany, Iran, Dijbouti, Sweden, etc.
• Here is My Advice - Tank You Verrry Much. - Next time on the show: Ask Latke! Advice from a scrumptious potato dumpling!
• Potter, The Saga Continues! - More useless rumours about the megahit book and film series.
• Legends Never Die, They Just Get Animatronicized... - If only Disney could get their hands on this deal.
• If You Were A Tree...Get Off the Couch Tom!!! - Barbara Walters gets woody.
• Like Finding A Needle in Your Haystack (Never Heard It Called That Before). - Medical research is so enlightening.
• Roving Packs of Vicious...Squirrels??? - Well, we suppose celebrity benefits can't solve everything...
• Squirrels and Dogs...The War Begins - Disturbing documents produced by squirrels?
• That Was Close!!!!!!! - Violent Squirrels and Wikipedia combine to harrass Stew.
• My Country Tizzle Thee!!!!!! - Remember Howard Cosell and boxing? Stew Miller does.
• If Historical Figures Blogged - Napoleon would have had one of those blogs with the drawings of kids with big eyes and the caption, "I Wuv U!"
• Something to Think About This Christmas Season. - ABC attempts to corner the market on pseudo-religious pap. Stew counters forcefully.
• You Too? I Thought It Was Just Me! - Stop sending me coded messages, Dave!
• A Free Sirloin with Every iPod - Apple's got meat!