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Friday, December 16, 2005

If Historical Figures Blogged

I was looking at Bloggers "Blogs of Note", also known to those of us here at DOUI as "That List We'll Never Bloody Be On." The most current entry is called "My Life on a Plate." (There'll be a link when we make the list.) I suddenly realized that someone has probably seen that, and done an appalling satirical blog about Mary, Queen of Scots, or John the Baptist, called "My Head on a Plate."

Well, that's not our style here. Robespierre's blog, maybe...but not John the Baptist.

This did get me to thinking what the Internet would be like if famous figures from history had their own blogs. What would they call them? What would they post about? Would they link us? Would many of them have coronaries after coming across the David Hasselhoff Incursion?

Here is one bloke's view.


Et Me Brute?

The Personal Blog of Brutus, Friend to Caesar, and Senator of Rome.

Ceasar is down for the count!!!

Well, we did it. Cassius and I caught Caesar coming out of the Senate and stuck him in the gut with a shiv. I'm still shaking from the experience. He actually wept and called my name as he fell to the ground. Cassius was jazzed, but I felt really weird. We were friends, you know. We were distant cousins! Oh, well...Alea iacta est! I'm off to get pizza!!

posted by Marcus Junius Brutus - March 15, 44 BC - 2:03 p.m.


Man, Antony is p******!!! I'm outta here! Cassius, dude, you are on your own!!!!

posted by Marcus Junius Brutus - March 19, 44 BC - 8:09 p.m.


Over the Edge

A seafaring blog by Christoforo Colombo (AKA Christobal Colon, AKA Christopher Columbus, AKA Meatball)

A great day for sailing!!!

We set of for India this evening. The skies were clear and there were many people on the dock to see us off. I fancied this blonde tart who kept waving her handkerchief at me and batting her eyes like a maiden on her wedding eve. One of the cabin boys, a lad named Peter, said she was his sister and her name was Marcia. Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!!! She's hotter than a pepper stuffed cannelloni. I hope she's still on the prowl when I return. Still, we'll be back in a few weeks, so I shouldn't worry too much.

posted by C. Columbo - August 3, 1492 - 10:04 p.m.

I Am Not A Calzone...

...but my crew is looking at me like I was one. All except for Rodolfo, who is looking at me like I was a hot stablegirl in breeches. I always sit with my back to the wall when he's in the room. This is turning into a really long trip. I knew I should have taken a left turn at the Azores, like Bartholomew Diaz.

Someone said they ate the navigator on the Pinta. I think they were joking. We still have plenty of paella on board.

posted by C. Columbo - September 25, 1492 - 8:04 a.m.

At Long Last!!...

...Women! These primitive lands are crawling with them. I had no idea that Indian women were so scantily clad! No one seems to know the way to New Delhi though.

Marcia who??? ;)

posted by C. Columbo - October 8, 1492 - 4:53 p.m.


We Are Not Amused

The Most Royal Blog of Her Majesty Victoria, Queen of the United Kingdom and Ireland, Empress of India, Viscountess of Weston-Super-Mare

Not Amused - #245

Albert's tobacco cannister. He keeps calling it Prince Albert in a Can. What a stupid joke.
-We are not amused.

posted by HM Victoria, Queen of the United Kingdom, etc. etc. - January 12, 1849, 1:00 p.m.

Not Amused - #869

Royal gowns that make my hips look big. Unfortunately, Gladstone won't let me send any of those seamstresses to the block, the self-righteous git. If Albert were alive, he'd sock that ruddy ninny in the gob.
-We are not amused.

posted by HM Victoria, Queen of the United Kingdom, etc. etc. - January 12, 1881, 9:20 p.m.

Not Amused - #4,629

More Diamond Jubilee celebrations. I'm bored out of my bean, sitting here watching these overdressed simpletons prance about, genuflecting and offering mealy-mouthed words of congratulations that I've lived for so bleedin' long. Yes, it was so difficult. Aside from dodging the occasional bullet, it was ridiculously easy. Eat right and a pint of stout a day from Ye Olde Cheddar Cheese.

I wish I had a revolver. I'd show these morons a thing or two. Maybe I'll run over the ambassador of Holland with my wheelchair...
-We are not bloody amused.

posted by HM Victoria, Queen of the United Kingdom, etc. etc. - June 25, 1897, 9:40 a.m.


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