It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Monday, December 12, 2005

A Paris Christmas? No, not that Paris you idiot!

One man in Rhode Island has built a Christmas-themed tribute to Paris Hilton.

If he were a dog, people would be begging the vet to put him out of his misery. If he were a politician, he'd be removed for mental incapacity. If he were a meat pie, they'd be scraping the mold off of him.

It's also important to note that this particular meat pie was recently arrested for trespassing onto Martha Stewart's property, so, for some, clearly it's not that big a leap from a sixty year old ex-con to the overexposed (pun intended) and overhyped hotel heiress. That will help Paris sleep at night...or from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m., when she probably does the bulk of her sleeping. More beauty sleep Paris, darling, and maybe a few months in Sing-Sing.

We've heard about the commericalisation of Christmas for years, but what does it say to find someone devoting their Christmas energies for the sake of a young woman whose biggest fame in life consists of an annoying Fox reality series and an unfortunate "adult" video made with a boyfriend... A former boyfriend, one would expect, but given this young lady's track record he's probably now in charge of her publicity.

Oh, yes, she is an heir to the Hilton fortune, but one can hardly credit that to her sudden burst into stardom other than opening up a door or two. (Fox Exec: "Miss Hilton, would you like to spend a few days on an Arkansas farm birthing calves and cleaning up horse manure? It was either you or that chick who's the daughter of the Radisson family. We can call the Holiday Inn people if you're not sure.")

However, we're speaking (well, writing) of Christmas. This is the time spent celebrating the birth of Christ the Lord, the Saviour of the human race, not fashioning giant, lighted pin-ups of a young lady, and I use the word loosely, who's more well known for eating a large, sloppy hamburger in a bikini (her, not the burger) in slow-motion than she is for endeavors involving the use of any part of her brain. Her talents are far from limitless.

The chap is clearly deranged. However, there is one bloke in the story who is in even more need of help than this would be Hilton-stalker. That would be the 80-something loony who said in response to the display, "People should not be ashamed of their sexuality — male or female."

...and a Merry Christmas to you too, sir. Please don't let anyone near the mistletoe with that duffer.

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