It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

My Country Tizzle Thee!!!!!!

I don't know how many of you saw the Jermaine Taylor vs. Bernard Hopkins fight this past weekend but from what I've heard the pre-fight National Anthem from R. Kelly made the fight seem like a sideshow. Apparently, Mr. Kelly who must be on furlough from prison, stunned - and I do mean stunned as in mouths agape - the audience with a hip-hop national anthem replete with steppin' dancers and a few other flourishes. Scoop Jackson put it this way in a article on ESPN's website (facetiously, I hope):

Can you believe it? R. Kelly just stepped-out the anthem! He turned the banner into a steppin' cut! He took it to the hood! He brought it back to Chi-town! Unbelievable! That was incredible! America don't know nothin' 'bout that! Bet it's going to be on the radio tomorrow. Turn the radio on now, I bet they already playing it! Dude's a genius. I gotta call you back, my other phone is ringing.

Hearing about the whole episode took me back to the days when I watched a little boxing with my dad. He loved the sweet science almost as much as bowling and would make sure I knew my Muhammad Ali's from my Kenny Norton's back when Howard Cosell ruled the broadcast booth with the occasional cut-away to "Fight Doctor" Ferdie Pacheco. Contemplating the new age of boxing and the R. Kelly debacle I wondered what Howard would have thought about what has become of the sport he loved.... the sport he loved.... (Please start the dream seq...here we go)

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Cosell: Wel-come to love-ly Las Vegas, Ne-va-da for what is expect to be the apex of pugilistic pleasure for the fans of the sweet science in 2005. Tonight's com-pe-tition between CHAMPION, Jermaine Taylor and former champ Ber-nard Hopkins. But first let's go to Fight Doctor Ferdie Pacheco, Ferdie how do you think the match will play out?

Pacheco: Well Howard, Taylor was strong in the early rounds last time while the older Hopkins may have waited too long to come on. I see a similar fight tonight unless I'm wrong which would lead me to believe that the fight may be different.

Cosell: Ferdie, co-gent an-aly-sis indeed. Without further adieu, let's go to the ring where one R. Kelly will croon our be-loved nations anthem with the dig-ni-ty it de-serves. May I also com-ment quickly that he appears to be SURROUNDED by a choir of some sort, un-doubt-ed-ly to give reverence to our nations won-der-ful ode. And now R. Kelly...

(R. Kelly's hip hop, steppin', jivin', "get up and clap your hands", version of the Star Spangled Banner)

Cosell: (looking like his dog just died) UN-BE-LIEV-ABLE. Words can barely describe what just took place in the ring ladies and gentlemen, but I'll give it a shot. NEVER be-fore have I seen a more deplorable, unpatriotic attempt to vocalize The Star Spangled Banner than what has just transpired down on the floor of the arena. Fight Doctor Ferdie Pa-chec-o, how did it seem to you down there?

Pacheco: All I can say is wow Howard, I don't think I have the street credit to comment on that but I thought the Solid Gold Dancers were a nice touch. And R. Kelly scares me too much.

Cosell: Truly pathetic in-deed. I left the fight business once before and this may do it to me again.

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Thanks a lot R. Kelly, now look what you've done. Driven a fantastical representation of the deceased announcer and commentator from the ring once again. You should be ashamed of yourself.

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