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Friday, December 02, 2005

Ignored! Ignored and shamed!!

Well, I am disappointed. I was browsing the WWW looking for some information about the 2005 Weblog Awards (The Bloggies, which sounds like one of those 60's British Bands that didn't make it), when lo and behold, I discover that the nominations period is already over.

What is it about the name "The 2005 Weblog Awards" that their owners don't understand? By my calendar, the year 2005 doesn't end for another 29 days, and yet nominations for these awards were finished - kaput, at the end of November 26th. Clearly a plot is in order to favor those bloggers who didn't have anything better to do than sit around and waste October and early November waiting and wathcing for the nomination window to open, when they could have been writing perfectly good stories about squirrels, face transplants, and how Bob Dylan has been replaced by an animatronic robot with more coordinated lips than the original.

Instead, the Bloggy people, who are clearly on the Pre-Gregorian calendar, or were some of the few people who were actually affected in some way by Y2K (I mean besides those people still living in shelters, drinking bleach-preserved water, and hoping that, should they survive this, Brendan Fraser or Alicia Silverstone will play them in the movie and not Christopher Walken or Sissy Spacek...who are, by the way the better pair of actors...but I digress) the Bloggy people cut off all nominations well before the year was completed, which can only mean one thing. They plan to get stinking drunk on New Year's and pass out in a tequila coma for 3 months. So they did the awards thing now rather than in April.

I did the only thing any self-respecting blogger, who has poured out their heart and spleen into their blog and not got one single bleeding nomination, could do. I wrote them an angry note.

All right, angry is a bit much. I mean, we don't want them cross with us when the next nominations roll around in July of 2006 do we? So, anyway here is not only the gist of what I wrote, but the entire post itself, which can be alternately seen at this site. (Scroll down to the comments...yes, I know we don't have them, but just scroll down anyway...and quit your ruddy griping!) Update: That page is no longer active. Hmmmm, I wonder why? Further Update: It's back. Someone must be reading this post or paranoia has finally caught up to me. By that I mean "completely caught up".

**********

To Whom It May Concern,

The nominations are over? It's bleedin' November! I was reading this site and saw "The 2005 Web Blog Awards" only to find out that it's "The 2005 January to November Web Blog Awards". Did someone cramp up while sprinting over to the calendar? Did someone's dog eat the page with December swimsuit model, so you all thought, "Ah, never mind. She was a sweet bird but we'll just skip to November"?

Fair is fair, mate. I mean, what if some really smashing blokes come up with a great idea for a web blog, post some brilliant content and do deliriously well in the month of December? Voters have got to wait in silent suffering and adulation until the end of 2006 to show their appreciation? They might as well be at the Golden Globes! It's still 2005 lads (and ladies)!!

Write-in candidates, that's what you need...and all those who agree can show their support by writing in The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas (http://unfortunateideas.blogspot.com/) into the best blog category(or "best humor blog" [Earl's note: Yes, I know it's "humour", but they might not!], or if such a category exists, "best off-beat, slightly disrespectful, with a well-meaning, yet fiercely independent, and currently preoccupied with squirrels and face-transplants blog", where we're sure to be winners.)

Or you can send freshly killed squirrel meat to this address, just for fun:

Squirrel for Bloggies
The New York Times
229 West 43rd Street
New York, NY 10036

The nude protests will commence soon!!

Quizzically annoyed,
Earl Fando
Co-Editor and Contributor
The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas
http://unfortunateideas.blogspot.com

PS - If these forms of protest are too taxing, simply visit the site an drive up the hit counter. I'll tally the numbers and forward YOUR MESSAGE OF PROTEST to the Bloggies.

PPS - I bought a box of gallon size Bloggies today. They're quite sturdy.

PPPS - There is NO PPPS! (Old joke, but I love it so.)

Update: Sorry! These aren't the "Bloggies" apparently. Apparently there are two Annual Weblog Awards. Soon the winners of each will get together for a unification bout to see who wins the enormous and gaudy belt with the word "Blog!" molded on it in solid gold-painted nickel.

Apologies to those of you at the Bloggies, who clearly know what you're doing.

Oh, well. Hope the Times likes squirrel meat. At least we're still in the hunt for an award, If we don't forget about that one too, and if anyone besides us and our loyal 4 fans nominates us. Oh well, we can continue on in our careers as dangerous outsiders, right? Hello? Is this blog on??

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