Cameron Diaz! The Sound of Music!! The Sound of Music???

Julie Andrews revealed that if The Sound of Music is ever remade, she thinks Cameron Diaz would be perfect for the role of Maria, the nun who leaves the convent to marry an Austrian father of seven, and to while away the hours singing endless songs with his incomprehensibly cheerful brood (Their mum died and they're surrounded by Nazis...hardly a few of their favourite things.)

Tomorrow's headlines: "Julie Andrews addicted to crack cocaine!"

Nothing against Ms. Diaz, whose numerous mentions here, as I've pointed out, are some of the big reasons people come to our blog, and then immediately navigate away when they realize this is a comedy blog and there isn't a single picture of the Charlie's Angel dish in or out of a bikini. (I'm hoping the included picture - lifted without permission in true blogging fashion - will continue make up for this in some small regards whilst allowing us to keep the few shreds of integrity we have left...thin though they may be.)

However, imagining Cameron Diaz singing the title tune of this "very big musical" is a bit like imagining John Cusack crooning "Maria" in West Side Story. Well, I can imagine him playing it on a boom-box, held over his head the way Liverpool supporters hold up their team scarves while singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" I'm afraid I may be mixing my metaphors here, though.
What Dame Julie Andrews was thinking when uttered this memorable quote is beyond me. Perhaps she was thinking of the scene in Charlie's Angels where they dress up as nuns? Perhaps she was thinking of this after her seventh vodka martini? Perhaps she had accidentally ingested LSD and was labouring under the misapprehension that she was a Fig Newton biscuit?

What troubles me is that she used the word "perfect", as though to say, "No one else could possibly be as good in the role." Cameron Diaz, "perfect" as a singing nun? Maybe as The Flying Nun, if the role had originally been played by Tuesday Weld instead of Sally Field.

I wonder what Dame Andrews "perfect" complete cast for that remake would be? (Cue annoying dream transition)

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Dame Julie Andrews' Perfect Cast for a Remake of The Sound of Music
(as imagined by Earl Fando)

Cameron Diaz - Maria
William Shatner - Captain Georg von Trapp ("Farewell!! FARE -WELL!!!!!!")
Christopher Walken - Max Detweiler
Roseanne (Barr) - Mother Abbess ("Climb every...what was that line? [Giggles])
Goldie Hawn - Sister Margaretta
Drew Barrymore - Sister Berthe
Crispin Glover - Rolfe
Lucy Liu - Sister Sophia
Warwick Davis - Franz (Nod to Juan Carlos - still imprisoned, apparently)
Angelina Jolie - Sister Bernice
Courtney Love - Baroness Ebberfeld
Paris Hilton - Liesl von Trapp
Jack Black - Friedrich von Trapp (Hey, he can actually sing)
Maccauley Caulkin - Kurt von Trapp
Whoopi Goldberg - Brigitta von Trapp (She's too obvious for the nun roles)
Kelly Osbourne - Marta von Trapp
Rosie O'Donnell - Gretl von Trapp
Meatloaf - Nazi