It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

A different tack to take for visage transplantation

Stew, I thought the tacked on face was a good idea, especially since I already have a large push-pin permanently stuck in my head, due to an unfortunate office accident.

All right, I'm kidding about that, and besides, if it were permanent it wouldn't do me much good. How would I get the thing out to put on the face in the first place?

I must admit, this has been one of the creepiest threads we've done on this blog since the "enema cocktails" one. I can't help but think of all the practical jokes people could play with face transplants:

  • Someone falls asleep at a party. Quickly transplant the face of the family dog on to their heads and vice versa. Watch the fun when you playfully call for "Fluffy" to come in the room and they are confronted with their own face, doing the things that dogs do (let's not get into detail here, please.) Also, watch their embarrassment as they suddenly develop a "kick spot" when they try to scratch an itch.
  • Surprise Ben Affleck by transplanting Nathan Lane's face onto Jennifer Garner's head. Thrill to the horror on his face as the words, "Don't you still care for the mother of your child?" come out of Nathan Lane's gob. Cringe as they reconcile and vow to have more children, even if the girls all have Mom's five o'clock shadow.
  • Transplant your elderly grandpa's face onto grandma, and vice versa. See if they notice the difference!
  • Switch George W. Bush and Howard Dean's faces and watch the poltical media go absolutely nuts as Republicans are shocked to hear the President's face mouthing calls for withdrawal from Iraq, and Move On types attack Howard Dean's face with a cluster bomb of pies for saying that the tide is turning in Iraq.
  • Transplant Brooke Shields' face onto Michael Jackson's body. He's been trying to do this for years. Watch his shock as he finally thinks he's succeeded (before it slides off like a plate of goo.)

Etc. etc. It's so often a cruel world we live in. We might as well find some amusement from time to time.

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