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Monday, December 05, 2005

Mise en scène provided by Sgt. Fido

Police work is going to the dogs...literally. The Beeb website's story on camera wielding police dogs seems harmless enough at first, however, in the greater scheme of the Dog/Squirrel Wars it can't just be overlooked. I mean, we could all just let sleeping dogs lie and forget about the horror that is the merciless slaughtering of canines and squirrels in Russia but I, for one, shall not. Since my bark is sometimes worse than my bite I would like to assure the reader that I am serious about this and shall not sit or lie down until I have exposed this tragedy to as many people as possible.

I think it was the philosopher Max Speebek who once said, "You can lead a dog to water, but he'll still make a mess of your carpet." This, I believe, is the crux of matter, and regardless they are cute in those little camera cradles aren't they. Not like a squirrel, I mean, they could never look as cute and cuddly as the affable pooch all gussied up in one of those things.

I don't want to make it appear that I am siding with the dogs here, the squirrel has many fine qualities and is cute in its own right, but I still prefer man's best friend. For heaven's sake, who wants to see a vicious bloodthirsty squirrel flying through the air swooping down on a poor unsuspecting pup, bent on gnawing through its snout with those rapacious buckteeth. Whew! The thought makes me cringe and might give me nightmares if I don't replace it with happy thoughts of little fluffy puppies.

Now, back to the great Dog/Squirrel War and the horrors of a conflict that will not be settled until that last paw is laid down and the nuts are put away (that was not a reference to Ben Affleck). I'm sorry I got carried away on that tangent about how cute dogs with camera equipment strapped to their heads can be. What was I thinking? Anyway, we need to focus all of our positive energy toward striving for a truce between the two parties.

(sounds of screeching squirrels growing increasingly loud)

AHHHHHHH!!!!! We're being attacked by flying squirrel troopers! Someone call Scotland Yard and get a few of those camera wielding German Shepards over here post haste!!!!!!!!! Oh, the humanity!!!!!!!! Get away from me you bucktoothed little rodents.


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