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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Toyland this Christmas! It's a jungle out there.

Being the father of a two boys; one four and the other about to turn two, I have been inundated with toy requests and deeply involved in the search for the "right" toy for this Christmas. Every advertisement that comes on television elicits a, "I want that toy for Christmas daddy", which is followed by my "that looks cool, we'll see". I have learned that one of the ways to search for toys is by the process of elimination. You look at what you don't want to give your kids and that allows you to shorten the list of what you might get them. There are plenty of toys on the market and at this point I do have a short list of items that I won't buy and that I don't think any responsible parent should buy.

Stew's List of Undesirable New Toys

Cabbage Patch Kate - The new Kate Moss doll comes with its own little black bag, mirror, and razor blades. Companion to the new Poppy Patch Boy George doll. (Blow not included)
Tickle Me R. Kelly - Who wouldn't love to give their children the loveable and quite ticklish R. Kelly. Mind the cord.
Rock'em Sock'em Retards- Everyone's favorite divorcing couple Jessica and Nick are duking it out, and I don't mean Daisy Duking it. Whose head will pop up first? Better yet, why did their heads swell up in the first place?
(for a disgusting close up view, click on the photo)
G.I. George Michael - Once a champion of their cause, George is now out to line the walls of his posh West Side flat with squirrel heads. Kids will adore George and want to collect all 35 unique squirrel craniums to trade with their friends.

King Don: From the steamy jungles of Skull Island to the sweaty corporate boardrooms of New York comes a titan with a heart of gold. See him rip a Tyranosaur from limb to limb while sipping a latte at Starbucks.


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