You mess with Harpo Marx, you get the horns.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Go on my heart will, young Skywalker.

I found this rather interesting article concerning the latest installment of the Star Wars saga Revenge of the Sith, set to be released in May. It seems Lucas is taking a James Cameron approach to the latest in his series going so far as to say: “I describe it as a 'Titanic' in space. It's a real tearjerker, and it will be received in a way that none of us can expect". I wonder where Lucas is coming from here, does he think due to the below average critical reviews of the first two installments that he needs to make it MORE melodramatic. I believe that Episodes I and II had enough melodrama for a whole series but George must think that it will draw in a few more of the non-lightsaber toting folks out there. With this in mind I give you a scene that one of my Bothian spies at Skywalker Ranch was able to sneak out. “Many Bothians died to bring us this information.”

Star Wars “Revenge of the Sith”


Anakin and Yoda enter the room and search it to guarantee nobody is lying in wait to ambush them. Anakin goes to his desk and pulls out a sketchpad, pencils, and charcoal and puts them next to a chair.

Anakin: Thank you for understanding Jedi Master. I have always wanted to gain a deeper knowledge of the force. I find my sketches and paintings attune me to its fullest power.

Yoda: Help you I can. Yes. mmmmm.

Anakin: Thank you. You can disrobe behind that curtain Master Yoda.

Yoda goes behind the curtain and his robe is seen being thrown over the top. He can be heard humming as we see various other articles of clothing come over the top of the curtain.

Yoda: Hard to see, the dark side is.

Anakin: Here, let me turn on a light for you.

Yoda returns from behind the curtain in the buff and walks across the room toward Anakin. Anakin appears embarrassed and gives a slight chuckle.

Yoda: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm?

Anakin: I’m sorry Master Yoda, I was not looking down at you. Please, take a seat on the couch and we can begin.

They both take there places, Yoda settles on the couch and Anakin sits in a chair in front of him.

Yoda: You must unlearn what you have learned.

Anakin: Yes, Master Yoda. Now, just bend your left leg a little and… lower your head. Eyes to me. That’s it.

Anakin begins sketching a picture of Yoda reclining on the sofa. We see a montage of slow pans of Yoda’s body inter-cut with scenes of Anakin sketching. The final cut shows the completed sketch of Yoda wearing nothing but a lightsaber placed very strategically. He turns the sketch to show Yoda.

Anakin: Master Yoda, what do you think?

Yoda: Much to learn you still have.

Anakin: Is it that bad? I thought the lightsaber was a nice touch. I don’t know what my problem is, I think I had the right light but I sometimes have problems with pointy ears.

Yoda: That is why you fail.

Anakin throws the sketch to the floor and runs out of the room sobbing. Yoda tries to force grab him but he is already around the corner.

Yoda: Strong I am with the force, but not that strong. You must not go. Feelings for you I have.

Cue Celine Dion singing “My Heart Will Go On” as we see Anakin leave Coruscant and meet with Darth Sidious cementing the relationship that will turn him to the Dark Side of the Force.

Someone hand me a tissue. I think I threw something up.


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