La' bos Naomh Padraig - Glas Guinness do sibh!

It's St. Patrick's Day me boyos and lassies. What will it be then, that ye can do on this fine day? Well, many is the folk that can think of ideas of things to do on this lovely day, so I'm going to bless with a list of don'ts so you can enjoy the day without embarrassing yourself, particularly the purely Anglo-Saxon among ye.

Do - Sample the fine green beer offered on this day in tribute to St. Patrick and Ireland.
Don't - Swill Guinness until you turn green.

Do - Wear green to show you Irish heritage, or in support and respect of the Irish.
Don't - Wear a green thong and nothing else. Not only is this not respectful, it is extremely cold.

Do - Join in the many lovely songs that will be offered up in pubs and parades.
Don't - Drunkenly break into a rendition of "Rule Britannia" unless your idea of celebrating the holiday consists of having your head split open with a shillelagh.

Do - Wear the shamrock
Don't - Walk around spraying herbicide on shamrocks and complaining about how clover is "such an annoying weed."

Do - Watch and even take part in the many fine Irish jigs and dances.
Don't - Proclaim yourself the "Lord of the Dance" and clumsily "Riverdance" all over the place.

Do - Quote Yeats, Heaney, Joyce, Swift, and other fine Irish writers.
Don't - Dress up as a leprechaun and repeatedly exclaim, "They're magically delicious!"
(Alternative Don't - Walk around with a bottle of Guiness shouting, "Brilliant!" - Although I do this in the privacy of my home all the time.)

Do - Wear "Kiss Me I'm Irish" buttons and t-shirts.
Don't - Wear "Fancy a shag? I'm Irish!" buttons and t-shirts.

Do - Drink a toast to St. Patrick and Ireland
Don't - Repeatedly toast to your liver.

Do - Sample delicious Irish corned beef, cabbage, champ, colcannon, sausages, and other cuisine
Don't - Loudly announce that you're really in the mood for some "Chinese or French food, because this bland Irish crap sucks!"

Top O' the Day to ye!