It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

A niblick into the old Principal's Nose

"My caddie Abdul prepares for our round at the Old Course."

It's that time of year again when the golfing world jumps across the pond and enjoys the splendor that is Open Championship golf. I love the Open Championship, known to unrefined cretins and non-golfers as the British Open. Not only do I enjoy the golf but you can't help but get a kick out of the naming of holes and in the case of this years venue, the Old Course at St. Andrews, the bunker names. Whether it's the Hell Bunker, the Principal's Nose, Cheapes Bunker, or the Coffins they all have catchy epithets that we in the States find either interesting or downright comical. I have mentioned some of the more famous bunkers at St. Andrews but there are many more.

For instance:

Hole 2 - Old Tom Morris' Crotch - Don't get caught too close to the bulge in the green if you know what I mean.

Hole 5 - The Haggis - See if you can stomach this one young laddie.

Hole 7 - Thistle in the Britches - Trust me you'd rather have one than get in this monster. Bring your rappelling gear for this beauty.

Hole 11 - Burnin' Burn's Burn - Due to a leak from a oil platform in the North Sea this one will light up occasionally. Bring your nomex Foot Joys.

Hole 14 - What's under yer Kilt? - The bottom of this one is covered in bones if that gives you an idea of how deep it is.

Hole 16 - The Turd - This one is pretty foul, I wouldn't step in it if I were ye.

Hole 17 - Blow it out yer Bagpipes - Hit it from here into the Road Hole Bunker and they'll give you a complementary bottle of Glenfiddich. You'll need it.

Hole 18 - John Daly's Ashtray - named for the past Open winner who flicked several butts in it, including Constantino Rocca's, in 1995.

As I write this Tiger Woods is in the lead on the first day at -6. Let's hope he stays clear of Chi Chi Rodriguez's Knickers at the first hole. That's not actually a bunker but a legend we won't get into right now.

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