We Shall Not Yield!

Or at least so says Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud "Bud" Selig, in response to demands from the International Olympic Committee. The IOC has eliminated both baseball and softball from the 2012 Olympics in London, stating that both sports need better anti-doping rules and that baseball needs to send its best players to the event. Baseball has responded by stating that its anti-doping rules (Consisting of the following: Rule 1.1 - Don't do drugs. Rule 1.2 - If you do do drugs, don't get caught. Rule 1.3 - If you get caught, it won't be by us.) are adequate enough, and that the sport will not be intimidated by a bunch of cheese-snorting, reefer fiends who don't know a balk from a designated hitter, failing to take into account that this description also includes much of the National League. Baseball also indicated that its best players were busy during the Olympic season, what with the Home Run Derby, All-Star game, and beer commercial filming season in full swing during that time.

The IOC also included several other demands, inlcuding that softball players dress exactly like athletes in women's beach volleyball, only without so much clothing, that softball be renamed "Yahtzee" (although they are still working out the naming rights with Milton Bradley), and also that baseball players replace spitting and groin scratching with interpretive dance. Major League Baseball replied that the spitting and groin scratching was interpretive dance.