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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Dave, Steve, and Jeff - The Pep Boyz

I was disturbed when I read this article about the trouble that Dreamworks is having with the sale of DVDs and at the box office. Since we here at DOUI have such a close relationship with David, Jeffery, and Steven I don’t feel that it is out of place for me to give them some advice. What you guys need is to push the envelope. You need to shake it up and create new paradigms and all of the other ridiculous buzzwords we hear about this sort of thing. In a word, you need to steal some ideas. Here’s an example, I’ll just go through the TV Guide and pick out a show. Eeeny, meany, miney, mo BOOM… Discovery Health: Face Eating Tumors. Now, take that idea and expound on it, think outside the box here. (sorry) Where could you go with that?

Face-Eating Tumors: Home for the Holidays – Tom Hanks and Nicole Kidman meet at Christmas and fall desperately in love but are separated when an earthquake rocks New York. Hanks contracts a face-eating tumor and then they meet again at a New Years party a few years later. Hanks knows it’s her but she doesn’t know it’s him, get it. She feels sorry for this guy with the face-eating tumor and since she’s a doctor or medical research chick she cures him of the tumor only to discover it is her long lost love. It’s got alliteration and a twist that will have’em filling the theaters.

The Man with Two Face-Eating Tumors – Mel Gibson stars as a man with two face-eating tumors. He struggles through it with the help of Nicole Kidman who has a son who has an incurable disease. Together Gibson and Kidman come up with a salve made of coconut and habanera peppers that heals her son but leaves Mel a scarred wreck. A miracle occurs when one face-eating tumor devours the other and Mel is able to scare it off by doing the old Lethal Weapon gun-in-the-mouth bit.

Scarface – Sorry, it’s been done.

The Mirror has Two Faces with Face-Eating Tumors – Barbra Streisand would star as a washed-up, out of touch actress who falls back on her singing career. We can work a face-eating tumor in there somewhere I’m sure.

So you see guys, you just have to run out your dog and pony show and stretch the hamstring. I’m sorry my buzzword generator is on the fritz. Good luck.


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