Wishing upon a star? Wanna buy a comet?

An astrologer from Russia is suing NASA for the damage done to her horoscope by the Deep Impact spacecraft. Seems she is worried that the eggheads at NASA have deformed her horoscope and that it “ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe.” While I think this astrologer lady from Moscow is a nut, I too have a beef with this little foray into comet smashing. It turns out comet Tempel 1 was actually MY STAR “Stew Miller” that I had purchased from the International Star Registry not five months ago. I don’t really blame NASA, but it would seem when someone buys a star they should get a star and not a comet. Hence, I have written a letter to the charlatans at the International Star Registry to show my disappointment.

Dear ISR,

Shame, Shame, and again I say Shame. I am not going to be sheepish when I tell you the wool has been pulled over my eyes. Five months ago I purchased for $54 plus postage and handling a star that I named for myself “Stew Miller”. When I talked to Kenny, who I will admit was a nice gentleman and who mentioned numerous times the payment options available, I was told that for the fee I could name a star after whomever I wished. Little did I know that I was being sold a bill of goods, not to mention a comet which already had a name to boot. Now, much to my chagrin, my “star” has been plowed into by NASA and is hardly worth the $54 plus postage and handling. I consider this a celestial slap in the face and demand either a refund of my money or perhaps a real star to put my moniker on. Is Betelgeuse available? I think as retribution I should be assured of having one of the larger stars to name.

I will await your answer and have copied this letter to the Better Business Bureau and Astrology Magazine.

Yours truly (if I get my star),

Stew Miller

P.S. I sure hope Betelgeuse is available.