und zee Nubel gues tu?...

A record number of nominees for the Nobel Peace Prize were submitted this year to and by the Nobel Committee in Sweeden. The nomination process is not without its flaws, considering that Adolf Hitler and Slobodan Milosevic are among the past nominees. (Can you imagine the git committee member who nominated Hitler, upon realising his error? "Well, I really messed up on that one there. Maybe I should have recommended that there Josef Stalin instead? That John Reed really has some good things to say about him you know.")

Anyway, although the nominations are supposedly secret, I have managed to obtain a list of nominees for this year through my own secret (and possibly fictional) inside sources. No, this is not the same person who hacked Paris Hilton's cell phone. I don't have those kinds of connections. The list though is quite surprising. I think they're off their Glögg, if you ask me.

• Ravi Shankar - Nominated for his "really swingin' retro sitar music and sideburns that just really mellow people out."
• Bono - Nominated for his dedication to peace and "because the man just rocks, is there any shame in that?"
• Cher - Co-nominated with Bono, but I think there's some confusion with members of the committee about that.
• His Majesty King Carl XVI Gustaf - Committee members admit they are just sucking up here.
• David Beckham - Nominated for "best hair for a world footballer now that Carlos Valderrama has retired."
• Sam Waterson - Nominated for his years of selfless work for justice and peace on NBC's Law and Order.
• Sir Paul McCartney - Nominated for being the "Last living Beatle worth a damn." (Author's note: I'm a Ringo fan, so I take great umbrage at this characterization. Ringo, you rock, man!)
• Queen Latifah - Nominated for her "remarkable common touch for a royal."
• Jack Nicholson - Nominated for "not beating the Knäckebröd out of the committee members with a seven-iron" and also for another delightful comic turn in "Something's Gotta Give".
• Ringo Starr - Nominated for his brilliant performance in "Caveman" (Well, I suppose that makes up for it a bit.)
• Lindsey Lohan - Nominated for something to do with "exposure" and "developed nations" I think. My Swedish is letting me down here.
• Hillary Duff - Nominated for "not beating the Knäckebröd out of Lindsey Lohan with a seven-iron."
• Paris Hilton - A last minute-nomination for "her devotion to peace through telecommunications". Hmmmm... I don't see it.