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Monday, January 09, 2006

Memories... of course my memory is not so good these days.

As DOUI approaches the first anniversary of the creation of this site, I thought I'd look back to some personal highlights from the blog. I'm not sure how accurate these will be though. Between getting mononucleosis in the summer, this sore shoulder I have now, and the constant telemarketing to get people to nominate us for the 2006 Bloggies (RIGHT HERE!), things are a little fuzzy... (cue horribly overused dream transition effects)

January 2005 - We launch the blog to worldwide acclaim. Britney Spears, John Quinones, Sandra Bullock, Cheech Marin, Michael Jordan, Beverly Sills, and Prince Andrew are among the luminaries at the premiere party. Jordan bets Prince Andrew "a bajillion dollars" that we don't last six months. (Pay up Michael! That's only a month's endorsement salary for you.) Britney Spears and Cheech Marin are found making out behind the giant inflatable DOUI logo. Sandra Bullock vows repeatedly to "kill my agent for getting me stuck at this lame gig." Beverly Sills sings David Bowie's A Space Oddity. Good times.

February 2005 - Groundhog Day happens at least a dozen times for some strange reason. No, sorry, I meant the film Groundhog Day on TBS. I was wondering why Zimpter looked so much like Bill Murray.

March 2005 - The offices are accidentally flooded with green beer when Stew's attempts to set a world record for "largest keg" goes awry. Fortunately, the actors from the Guinness commercials are at the party and drink all the spilled beer inside of 20 minutes...the lushes.

April 2005 - For April Fools Day, Juan Carlos Vega posts a serious drama about two people fighting for their lives on a liferaft in the Indian Ocean. Unfortunately, his attempt to put a serious-minded backwards spin on the April Fools' tradition is spoilt due to his repeated misspelling of the word "dinghy."

May 2005 - The DOUI maypole goes up! By up, I mean we launched it into space. We also celebrate Cinco de Mayo with the largest plate of carne asada ever seen in the Northern hemisphere. The difficult part was finding flour tortillas big enough to handle it all.

June 2005 - We take the month off. The blog is ghost written by Salman Rushdie. Strangely enough, the Tehran Gazette called it "their funniest and most engaging month yet."

July 2009 - Juan Carlos Vega accidentally sets off the time machine.

July 2005 - We're back from the future in time to launch the first annual DOUI Fourth of July fireworks extravaganza. Due to budget constraints, this consists of Zimpter, Stew, and myself doing interpretive dance whilst Juan Carlos attempts to light a wet sparkler.

August 2005 - It's too bleedin' hot to post. We play golf instead and submit posts generated by a random computer program called "Microsoft Comedy for Idiots - Weblog Version 1.0." If you look at those posts, you can spot the bugs in the program. For example, some of the posts state that I was on vacation. If only!!!

September 2005 - Fall arrives. We rake leaves and post about the meaning of decay. Our funniest month according to Rolling Stone.

October 2005 - All activity for this month was classified by government officials due to the accidental reference to secret alien autopsies in New Mexico by Stew during a post on Eggo brand waffles. Stew was flogged by Sandra Day O'Connor. According to her though, the flogging had absolutely nothing to do with the classified material. I had no idea there was so much leather in a Supreme Court Justice's robes.

Update: Erm... she said she was Sandra Day O'Connor.

November 2005 - Zimpter dressed as a pilgrim and walks up and down Hollywood boulevard taking pictures with people and earning tips. For some strange reason, all the tourists keep calling him "Billy Jack."

December 2005 - We decide to sing Christmas carols door to door to celebrate the season. Unfortunately, some Scrooges respond by throwing a bucket of water on us. Do you realize how dangerous it is to throw water on 4 blokes with electric guitars plugged into 100 watt amps?? (For those who care about such things, yes, they "go to 11.") Of course, people may just have been on edge. There were a lot of broken windows in that neighborhood for some reason.

January 2006 - The big anniversary party is already planned and Sandra Bullock will be returning. I've found that her agent's voice and mine sound very similar on the telephone. Plus, I told her it was a party for Dave Barry's blog. Shhhhh!!!!!!!


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