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Friday, January 06, 2006

Dave versus Bill

This is two posts. First the serious one:

It wasn't pretty...We avoid partisan politics on this site as much as possible for a reason. That was the most uncomfortable interview I've seen on Letterman since Crispin Glover lauched a kung fu kick twelve inches from Dave's face.

Now the one you skipped the first one to read:

After the show Dave and Bill reconciled by getting smashed at a local Irish pub. Bill agreed to tattoo "I adore Cindy" on a buttock of his choosing and to send a dozen roses and a box of Mentos to Al Franken. Dave agreed to treat Sheehan "the way I used to treat Oprah" the next time she referred to a suicide bomber or insurgent as a freedom fighter. If she makes any veiled references to a "Jewish cabal", Letterman agreed to send Rush Limbaugh a box of Titleists.

Paul Shaffer, being Canadian, stayed out of the whole bloody mess, but did get the band to strike up a medley of hits by The Who and Fleetwood Mac as a way of splitting the difference.

In related news, Bill Clinton and Bob Dole announced that they were engaged, the sudden announcement coming after both accidentally wandered into the same showing of Brokeback Mountain. Their stunned spouses were last seen commiserating at a Washington Blockbuster Video store, trying to decide between Thelma and Louise and Season 4 of Ellen. Also, the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees agreed to combine their teams, playing alternate home games in Boston, New York, and Rhode Island. The new team will be called the East Coast Yank Sox. Finally, the Israelis and Palestinians, in a surprise news conference, agreed to share the Holy Land, referring to the conflict there as "a centruries long silly mistake".


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