It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

A free sirloin with every iPod

Listening to Meatloaf on her new iPod, what's wrong with that? Apparently that's what a little girl was doing according to an article I found on the net. Let me read a little more... oh sorry, she found meat in her iPod box. I was afraid of this. I told Jobs it was a bad idea, if only he'd have listened to me. (start wavy line memory sequence with me talking to Steve Jobs in the restroom at the Orlando Sheraton. I'm the one trying to get the taco sauce out of my shirt with restroom soap and water, oh here comes the date.)

April 21, 1999

Stew: Hey, aren't you Steve Jobs?

SJ: No, I don't know what you're talking about.

Stew: Oh, come on play along for us.

SJ: Ok, I'm Steve Jobs, are you happy now?

Stew: Yes, but what are you doing at the Orlando Sheraton?

SJ: Don't ask.

Stew: Right. So, what have you guys got going on over there at Apple? I bet you regret that whole Mac deal now, huh?

SJ: Well, we're actually developing a lot of different technologies. I think the most promising right now is going to be a nano sized portable media player that can hold a thousand songs.

Stew: (skeptical) Yeah, right. I think people are tired of walkmen, McGuyver. It sounds like a bad idea to me.

SJ: You don't think it will sell?

Stew: Well, not unless you can think of a marvelous marketing tool and get some street talk going on it early.

SJ: What do you think we should do?

Stew: Brainstorm man, isn't that what you people do best? Let's see, you could put a coupon for a free memory upgrade inside the box. Get U2 to do some advertising for it.

SJ: (lightbulb coming on) Free meat with every purchase.

Stew: That's the best you could do?

SJ: Sorry, I'm better at technology things, selling ain't my bag.

Stew: Well, drop the meat idea, you'd never be able to keep it market fresh.

It was just after this that I heard a rumor that Jobs had purchased a warehouse of beef from an old English meat operation that had been put out of business during the mad cow scare. I just wish it hadn't come to this.

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