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Thursday, June 16, 2005

Get your bleeding scrotum off of my neck!

Now perhaps we really know why Bennifer didn't work out.

World Entertainment News Network reports that Ben Affleck highlights his unusual sense of humour with one of his favorite practical jokes: resting his genitals on objects in public. Apparently the latest incident occurred while working with Christina Applegate on the film Surviving Christmas (Spike TV programmers take note!). According to Ms. Applegate, "They were doing a shot of a briefcase and Ben put his stuff on the case. It was gross."

Reportedly, Affleck also repeatedly "pranked" director Kevin Smith by "resting his scrotum on the back of the movie maker's neck" during breaks in the filming of Jersey Girl.

Can you imagine JLo putting up with this kind of crap? I can't. I can, however, imagine how it might have happened...

(Scene: Jennifer Lopez's palatial New York townhouse. JLo is resting on a mink sofa, sipping Mouton Rothschild through a straw out of a Yankees souvenir mug. Ben Affleck enters.)

JLo: Ben, honey, come over her and look at this new diamond toe ring I got at Macy's.

Ben Affleck: OK, hunny-bunny.

(Ben walks over to the sofa. JLo turns around and does that fake French greeting kiss, only from about 20 feet away. She then turns back to her toe bling.)

JLo: Isn't it gorgeous. I'm thinking of getting another one for my zipper ring.

Ben: It's beautiful poopsie-woopsie. Just like you.

(While JLo is staring lovingly at her glittering piggy, Ben silently pulls out his privates and gently props them up on the back of JLo's neck.)

JL0: (absent-mindedly) Oh, honey, are gonna give me one of those Swedish neck massages? Baby, your fingers are really wrinkly... Wait a minute, that isn't...oh...my...

(Outside the townhouse a loud scream can be heard, followed in succession by a stream of expletives in Spanish, the sound of furniture breaking, the sound of a fireplace poker being swung wildly, the sound of several objects being thrown, specifically a telephone, a Ming vase, a Van Gogh painting, a relic of King Tut's tomb, a cereal bowl full of beluga caviar, a diamond toe ring, and an 18th-century Chippendale coffee table.)

Ben: (From inside the apartment) But sweetie-weetie... Aaaghh!!! My franks and beans!!!

************

Update: My apologies as this is clearly the raunchiest piece we've ever done on this blog. Ben Affleck is clearly to blame though. He should keep his rod and reel to himself.

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