Sean Penn, Ace Reporter

More news is out on Mr. Penn's coverage of the Iranian elections. Seems Sean had an interview with "moderate" candidate Rafsanjani where the past president told Sean that since Iran had eight candidates up for consideration that they were more democratic than the United States. Don't try and play the numbers game with us, we can put up more kook candidates than you guys could ever hope to have.

I found the article of interest for the following paragraph:

The actor caused a stir when he attended Friday prayers last week and heard the “Death to America” chants. But on a visit to Iran's Film Museum in Tehran this week he told a student that those oft-heard chants hurt Iran-U.S. relations."I understand the nature of where it comes from and what its intention is," he said. "But I don't think it's productive because I think the message goes to the American people and it is interpreted very literally."Asked whether his idea about Iran had changed since arriving in the country, he said: "I hope my ideas are ever-changing."

This was shocking because I must admit, "I" was taking them literally too. Had I misunderstood the meaning of what the hardline radicals in Iran had been saying about America? Were my ideas not as ever-changing as Sean's? Armed with a renewed vigor to answer these tough questions I entered the Farsi meanings of various phrases into Iran's version of Babelfish and here is what I found.

(Farsi = English)

• Death to America = We will, we will, rock you!!
• May a thousand plagues infest Bush's cowboy hat = Peace be with you
• A camel should relieve itself on the US = Do you want fries with that?
• Stick it in your hat Mr. Dan Rather = Keep off the grass
• May America burn to ashes = Can I bum a cigarette, sailor?
• Die you Zionist scum as our Revolutionary Brigades squash you like scorpions = Gigli

Had I only known the true meaning of these phrases my view on the regime would undoubtedly have changed. Oh, and Sean... May a thousand sand crabs attach themselves to your testicles. (Real meaning: May you be ever-changing and ever-Spicoli.)