It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Kaba Kaba Kaba Kaba Kabbalah Chameleon

The buzz on the street is that Madonna is opening a new hotel in London where Kabbalah-ites (?) who are on pilgrimages to see her can flop for the evening. While I'm sure this is out of the kindness of her heart it will probably start a flood of religious and even politically themed motels, hotels, and bed and breakfasts to erupt. The concern for many is that these lodgings may develop into centers of questionable enlightenment and even brainwashing. One such establishment has already been opened by the self-described Da Vid, the leader of the Light Party in the United States. I have a section of brochure for their new hotel Light-House Acres:

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Light-House Acres

Welcome to Light-House Acres a sprawling 45 acre community of enlightenment and serenity nestled in the pampas at the base of the Marin Hills region. Enjoy splendor in one of our 235 rooms which offer king or two queen beds, ample bathroom space, and the enlightened words of Da Vid piped into your room 24 hours a day. Other amenities include:

Continental breakfast - wheat germ, poppy seed, muffins, soy-based acid, orange juice, and french mocha cappucino while the exalted commentary of Da Vid is played from our 6000 watt sound system.

Mediation - enjoy our morning meditation sessions featuring the transforming power of Da Vid as he discusses holistic health, atainment, peace, and the advantages of a really good water filter.

Tennis and Golf - Enjoy the sport of your choice at our Virtual Reality Center for Sports and Inspired Holistic Health where you can play a round with Da Vid as he discusses a wide range of topics such as inner peace, sharing, trusting, and the advantages of the power fade.

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DOUI was interested to see what the place was all about so we sent our correspondent to the stars Lukas P. Short to interview Da Vid at his Mill Valley offices.

Lukas: David, what kinda freak show you runnin' around here?

Da Vid: That is Da Vid. Mr. Short we are a wholistic community who strives to set a new paradigm in political thought through a synthesis of peoples of many paths.

Lukas: Uh huh.

Da Vid: That is to say we try to help people from many parts of life to gain a synergistic approach to life by inspiring them to exalt their peace-selves while blocking their war-selves.

Lukas: Nope, I didn't understand a word you just said. You guys got a good steak restaurant in the area?

Da Vid: Oh forbid, Lukas, we do not believe in the slaughter of helpless animals. We are into a strategy which amplifies the nutrients that Mother Earth provides through only partaking of her bounty.

Lukas: Purty words David, but you're still talkin' like ya got a couple of big Gobstoppers in yer mouth. Well I can't lollygag around here all day, I got to go get me a burger, good luck with yer boarding house.

What will become of Da Vid and Light-House Acres? We'll probably just have to wait until the Mother Ship gets here to tell. But indeed, good luck sir.

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