It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Kill Who?

I was sitting at home this evening, continuing my convelesence from mononucleiosis (and my troubling encounter with the Japanese robot suit), when I stumbled across a cable showing of Kill Bill, Vol. 1, Quentin Tarantino's 4th film.

At the risk of spoiling the surprise, please allow me to summarize the first part of the film for you.

Scene 1: Uma Thurman cuts off a telemarketer's head with a butcher knife.
Scene 2: Uma Thurman filets a Major League Baseball labour negotiator with a safety razor.
Scene 3: Uma Thurman stabs 4 busboys through the heart with a toothpick
Scene 4: Lucy Liu (just for variety) cuts an encyclopaedia salesman in half with an electric carving knife...unplugged.
Scene 5: Uma Thurman beats two nuns to death with a teddy bear.
Scene 6: Uma Thurman carves out Danny DeVito's spine with a plastic spoon. (I knew that would interest you Juan Carlos.)
Scene 7: Uma Thurman slashes 47 people to death at a Linda Ronstadt concert with a piece of stubble from her armpit.

None of the above people are named Bill. I suppose that's why Tarantino came out with Vol. 2.

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