It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Planning my vacation for 2010...

Juan,

Loved the video you linked to, although I am a bit confused about two things. First, I'm wondering why extraterrestial beings, who apparently are sophisticated enough to travel millions of light years in a short amount of time (presumably...Einstien's theories on time and the speed of light notwithstanding...stop typing "haha" on your keyboard Dr. Hawking!), anyway, why these sophisticated and advanced beings would choose to make such long, perilous, and complex journeys in what appears to be a giant beach ball. They should sit down with the chaps from British Airways and talk to them about their business-class service, the one with the foldout beds, gourmet menus, and the annoying commercials with the slack-jawed male model who can only say three words ("Good", "Night", and "Morning").

Second, the chap in the video referred to himself as a prophet named "Yahweh". Now, as any good Christian knows (as well as our Jewish friends, of course), Yahweh is in fact a Hebrew transcription/approximation of the name of God. So, is this large, friendly, UFO-paging bloke saying that he is a prophet "of God" or is he actually presumptuous enough to name himself after God? I mean, we're not talking some Panamanian baseball player with the name "Jesus" here. This would be like someone going around calling themselves "God Trump" (which I understand is a possibility any day now if the N.Y. Court System allows "The Donald" to change his name.)

Nonetheless, if the UFOs are coming to pay us a visit, and take Louis Farrankhan, Ross Perot, and others back to the mother ship, I expect there may be a nice upswing in the tourist trade as these giant interstellar grapefruit flit from planet to planet. I mean, they're bound to want to cash in at some point on man's unquenchable desire to travel to lands and worlds beyond his own, so that he can declare just how inferior the WC (toilet) facilities on planet Praxis Gargantua are (where they use the insufferable bidet instead of proper chamberpots.) So I figure a nice three-month cruise of the outer rim of the galaxy would be in order.

I intend to put the whole thing on my Visa card (an estimated 4,000,000 pounds - haven't figured out the Euros yet, as the bleeding things keep depreciating after the France vote on the EU Constitution), because, given Einstein and all that, a trip of three months for the family and I will last about 8,000 years here and Visa will have been replaced by then by the world-conquering force that I know you all, in my extended absence, will make this comedy blog. So keep up the good work, and see you in the Kingdom Come, should the travel plans go through! I promise to spend the money wisely and keep all your descendants on with the conglomerate.

PS: Now I realize some people may think I am simply mocking this whole idea. This may be a diversion though. I may simply be planting this story to divert attention from the massive foul-up the boys at Nellis AFB have made with "Project Cue Ball" (and ensure my travel plans, via the U.S. Air Force, courtesy of the Project Blue Book frequent-flyer miles program, whether I want to go or not...) I'll leave it to discerning minds to figure out. If I go missing though, assume my tickets have a departure point somewhere in Nevada.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home