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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The Force is The How You Going to Say With You

Greetings, Blancos Feos y Todos los Otros Feos, I know what you going to say even before you saying it. Yes, you going to say the question, "Whatever happen to that Juan Carlos Vega muy guapo that use to post the funny paragraph on this world wide famous website?" Well, if you determined to know everything, including that which is not your business like the daily activities of myself, then I will inform you that I have been travelling to a variety of cosmopolitan cities like Chicago, Illinois and El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula, California (what some shorten to LA), and Dallas, Texas and Bentworth, Wyoming and Ferrocarrill, Iowa and Preston, Idaho the hometown of my cousin Pedro Sanchez who is some kind of bigwig in that city like mayor or president.

Anyway, so you are going to be the wondering person to say, "Why, Juan Carlos Vega, you travelling to all of these glorious goodtime city of America?" Well, to see the new Star Wars movie one time in every city of America, of course. What else? I mean, how else can anyone ever truly satisfy the George Lucas but to do this? And if I do not satisfy the George, he never going to purchase my screenplay Horses, At Rest and Play, The War Effort, Episode I starring Liam Neeson and Daniel Devito as the horses Roger and Schumtpypoo.

Okay, all of that to say this part here. The top five Star Wars, Episode the 3, the Sith what are Revengeful Getting to Jedi, moments from that movie, as decided by a panel of experts comprised of Juan Carlos Vega.

5. That one lady what is pregnant want to be hugged like a person beside the lake on Naboo, which was a touching line of the dialogue for me. She say, "Hold onto me, like as unto that one time you hugged onto me beside that lake where you didn't like the sand."

4. The same one lady dying for no reason. Man, this is so great and teach me a lot about how to write the screenplay, because many time I wonder to myself, I say, "Juan Carlos, I want this certain character to die, but I cannot figure out the logic to make it happen." So from now on I will just have the one character in screenplay to say, "Well, he/she die for no reason, just because wanting to die." That make it so easy. I want to cry upon the shoulder of the George for happiness.

3. The one guy get the arms/legs sliced off and cauterized and he scream. Well, this happen many times in movie, I guess, so I will lump all these scene together in one beautiful moment. When I first see original Star Wars movie as a little Juan Carlos in my homeland, I marvel at the scene where Obi Wan cut off the alien's arm in that one dirty bar, never realizing that the day would come when I get to see a Star Wars movie where cut-off arms and legs flying around like some kind of damp pasta being flung around the kitchen by angry children.

2. Yoda crawl through the ventilation shaft. Man, of all the type of scenes known to Hollywood, my favorite one is the kind where the main character escape/hide from villain by crawling through extra large ventilation shaft. This kind of scene good for any type of movie, not just James Bond or Mission:Impossible. Any character can hide in the ventilation shaft, and it happen in, I estimating, 25% of all movies. I am now include a scene in my next movie of Devito escaping from the Horse Eating Bear by crawl through ventilation shaft of Central Park.

1. The Seeping Ooze attacks El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula. Yes, this was a great scene. I think mayhap a tiny bit of the urine come out when I see it for the excitement (excuse for the graphicness, but it's true). When that tiny space rock land in La Habra and break open and the Ooze of the Dark Side come out and begin eating the people, I stand up in my seat and throw my wallet at the screen.

Okay, so I am still compiling many lists about this movie. Somehow, I begin to think it contain all the answers to all the questions ever asked in the history of asking questions and getting answers to those questions. Anyway, I am off to Leebrookenfield, Ohio next to watch the movie at the Odeon Odeous Cineplexicon 24, then to Dippitydo, Vermont to watch it downloaded as crude mpeg on some guy's Mac, then to Mooselookmeguntic, Maine to watch the movie with Stephen King (he don't know it yet, but he learn soon enough) Until next time, happy viewings.

J. C. Vega, Esq.


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