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Monday, June 13, 2005

I'm lovin' it...except for the high blood pressure medication

Ronald McDonald playing hoops with Yao Ming? Cycling with Lance Armstrong? Sparring for a few rounds with Sean Penn? What is up with this cheerful burger-peddling harlequin? Why, what else but the health craze that has all of us up in arms about trans fatty acids and watching our salt intake (Earl aside). McDonalds has begun in earnest to hustle salads, fruit, and bottled water in order to cash in on the latest fads and phenomenons. We took a moment to discuss this with the yellow suited Ronald after he completed a round of golf with Tiger Woods.

Stew: Ronald, thanks for giving us a minute of your time.

Ronald: No problem Stew, I've got to make it quick, John McEnroe and I have a doubles game against Bjorn Borg and Jared from Subway in twenty minutes.

Stew: We'll make it quick. So, what is up with the new healthier McDonalds?

Ronald: Well Stew, it's really all about the Benjamins if you know what I'm saying. We figure if people want it, find a way to sell it to them. At least we haven't fed anyone a finger yet.

Stew: Seems like a jaded view coming from a clown.

Ronald: Hey, you don't buy a $3.2 million home in the Hollywood Hills by yucking it up and having kids kick balloons into a barrel, Bozo proved that.

Stew: What can you tell our readers about the new food at McDonalds and has the old menu changed to reduce the fat in the burgers?

Ronald: Are you kidding me, I never eat the stuff. Talk to someone at the corporate offices I'm sure they've got some data on that sort of thing. I can't keep Jared waiting, have you ever seen that guy lose his temper, he'll cut out your heart with a spork if you're not careful. See ya.

Enjoy the new line-up at a fast food restaurant near you. I'm sure it's all very healthy stuff, as for me I'm off to meet Earl and have some carne asadas.


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