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Thursday, November 03, 2005

They're silk and very comfortable...So how's the flooding situation?

A U.S. House of Representatives committee has just released some e-mails sent to and from former FEMA Director Michael Brown during the Hurricane Katrina crisis, that are turning heads and making people cough. Some excerpts below:

**********
Aug. 29 - 7:19 a.m.
To: Dan Brown [disasterdan@fema.gov]
From: Cindy Taylor [cindybrady@fema.gov]

Dan,

Saw you on the Today show this morning. My eyes must certainly be deceiving me. You look fabulous — and I'm not talking the makeup, except maybe the mascara. Was that a flare gun in your pocket, or were you just happy to see Katie?

Also, the shirt was fabulous, resplendent even. You make disaster look good. I'm actually salivating. Can I rip it off the next time I see you?

Breathlessly,

Cindy

**********
Aug 29 - 7:52 a.m.
To: Cindy Taylor [cindybrady@fema.gov]
From: Dan Brown [disasterdan@fema.gov]

Cindy,

I got it at Nordsstroms ... Are you proud of me? Can I quit now? Can I go home? Can I run naked through the howling wind? Can Doves Cry? Can Conway Twitty? Can I wear your underwear? I soiled mine while taking questions on the Today Show.

Cordially,

Dan

**********
Aug. 30 - 10:52 p.m.
To: Tillie James [tilliethesoil@fema.gov]
From: Dan Brown [disasterdan@fema.gov]

Tillie,

Do you know of anyone who dog-sits? I have a really big Great Dane that my aunt gave me and I can't get any work done on this Katrina thing with him here in the office. He keeps chewing up the relief authorization vouchers, and even if I can get them from him before he tears them up, they're so covered with slobber that they're useless and I have to start all over again.

We're behind on stuff, and the President's angry, and it's all this damn dog's fault.

He chewed up my Blackberry too!

Yours,

Danny Boy (Strangely enough that's also the name of the Great Dane.)

**********
Aug. 31 - 11:57 a.m.
To: Dan Brown, Director FEMA [disasterdan@fema.gov]
From: Marty Bahamonde [mbahamon@fema.gov]

Director Brown,

Sir, I know that you know the situation is past critical here in New Orleans. Katrina did severe damage, the levees have been breached and many will die.

Please contact me so that we can better coordinate our resources on the ground here and throughout the Southeast.

Sincerely,

Marty Bahamonde

**********
Aug 31 - 4:00 p.m.
To: Marty Bahamonde [mbahamon@fema.gov]
From: Dan Brown [disasterdan@fema.gov]

Dear Marty,

Wet enough for you!?

I'm just kidding - trying to lighten the mood. I realize things are tough down there, but I want everyone to keep a positive face on in the midst of this major bummer. Thanks for the update. Anything specific I need to do or tweak?

Also, let me know if you need some good shirts. I got some from Nordsstrom's and they are driving the chicks in the office wild.

Respectfully,

Dannyfofannybobannyfeefifandanny

**********
Sept. 2 - 8:37 a.m.
To: Betty G. [crochetvixen27@hotmail.com]
From: Dan Brown [disasterdan@fema.gov]

Dear Betty,

Last hurrah was supposed to have been Labor Day. I'm trapped now, please rescue me. Anderson Cooper has privately challenged me to a barfight. Larry King called me a "snivelling bastard" during the commercial break the other night. Tony Snow not only wouldn't shake my hand, but actually slapped me in front of Brit Hume. (Brit shook my hand but only in a near successful attempt to crush it with his steel-vise like grip!) Little children spit on me. Dogs howl and run away (even Danny Boy, now.) Oprah will take that snake Ray Nagin's calls but she just hands the phone to Steadman whenever I ring her up.

Help me Obi-Wan. You're my only hope.

Cheerfully Yours,

Dan

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