It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Zimpter's Magical Fatherhood

I would just like to chime in here, to apologize for the panic that Stew has caused by publicly revelaing that Zimpter Fiforg is able to reproduce. This was a state secret, due to the widespread public fear that the world would soon be overrun by little Zimpters, who would take over the planet and institute all Survivior! programming on television and make the national currency of every single nation on earth the Zimp, which is currently faring at 0.12 cents per Zimp against the dollar in Aruba.

I would like to assure you that Stew is being severly punished for this slip. In fact, the CIA is on it even now and Valerie Plame is personally beating him in the next room with a sledgehammer. Joe Wilson is watching, but, we suspect, only because he likes that sort of thing, being a former civil servant.

Anyway, many congratulations to Zimpter, Mrs. Fiforg, and the littlest Fiforg, whose name is also a state secret. I can only verify that it is not "Arcturus", "Willy", "Sasquatch", or "Frenchie". I have also been given permission to verify that he is a staggeringly handsome child, with the strength of ten infants, or "infinks" as Popeye would say (Though why that is of importance here, I cannot divulge.) Beyond that information and they send Plame to my office with a blowtorch and a large Roto-Rooter snake.

I have no desire to see what she'd think of with that combination.

Update: Blast, I wasn't supposed to let you know that Roto-Rooter was a front for the CIA. I'm bound to get "rootered" now.

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