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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

What a bloot of frobious offengi!

Meriam-Webster, publishers of second-tier dictionaries, recently held a contest asking people to send in their favorite words that aren't in a dictionary. A bleeding shame I didn't know about this because I happen to be one of the world's leading repositories of non-standard words. Some of my favorites, with definitions, are below:

Abliverous - The act of being unaware of one's situation, due to either alcohol intoxication, too many sit ups, or in rare cases, both.
Biffle - The act of improperly throwing a wiffle ball in such a way that it travels in the opposite direction of that intended by the thrower and physically maims someone.
Bizzle - Any object not already possessing a name in street slang that rhymes with "jizzle".
Bloot - A large pile of unnecessarily gathered words who sole purpose is to revive a flagging dictionary publisher's fortunes.
Clupulent - Having the quality of a hiccup. Ex. David Byrne's singing style is positively clupulent.
Coultrocious - Attractive and intelligent, while simultaneously nauseating
Deanasticize - To scream like a professional wrestler at a political event. (Alt. - To base one's poltical views on an Internet poll)
Digimaniac - Someone who thinks it's a good idea to pretend to find part of a human finger in a bowl of fast-food chilli.
Egoticize - The act of developing a ridiculous plan to win an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony award in a period of five years or less. (See Phillip Michael Thomas)
Frobious - Smelling of warm, stale soda pop and chunder
Gilliganous - Incompetent in a manner that consistently proves advantageous. (Alt.- Deserving to be voted off the island, but surviving due to a technicality or exemption)
Hamyonce - To sing more than two songs at a major awards program.
Jarble - To speak in a manner resembling Jar-Jar Binks. i.e. To blather like an idiot when there's light-saber fighting to be done.
Jessisimpicize - To sing by grunting in a manner only stimulating to neanderthals. (Alt.- To ride the coattails of an older, only slightly more talented sibling. Syn. - Baldwinize)
Kagaesque - Resplendent in a vaguely effeminate way.
Kinkle - To wad up a photocopy because it didn't turn out properly.
Marthals - Any homemade decoration derived from prison surplus.
Mcgibberish - Any spoken words at a fast-food drive through window obscured by the poor quality of the speaker system, or the refusal of the restaurant staff to actually wait to hear what you ordered.
Mooralise - The act of being outraged by your own fantasies about public officials and then finding a way to cash in on it.
Nipplicious - The state of having more than two nipples on one's body.
Nipseylicious - The state of having more than two references to Nipsey Russell in a comedy bit.
Offengi - Any word that no one can actually define without resorting to making stuff up. Ex. Supercalifragilisticexpealidosious
Phrinkle - A wrinkle on a part of the body not generally exposed to the public.
Quabble - To violently argue about a game of bridge more than 24 hours after the game has ended.
Ratchifraz - Loud exclamations that sound suspiciously like cursing, but are vague enough to not trouble television network censors.
Squibble - To write in a hurried manner using a sponge instead of a pen.
Trolluate - To gain a perverse satisfaction from posting an anonymous message on an online discussion board involving one of the following: sexuality, Nazism, Communism, or really bad puns involving the names of politicians.
Underiggle - To laugh uncontrollably at the mention of the word "underwear". (Brtitsh variant: Knickeraffle)
Woops - Same as Whoops, only misspelled for dramatic effect.
Zinkle - To urinate in the woods, whilst perched in a tree.


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