It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

I'm baaaaaaackkkk!!!!

And all of you (all 6 or you that is) thought that you had gotten rid of me for good. Well, 5 straight Disney days and at least 3 separate trance-like renditions of "It's a Small World" was not enough to change me into a mind-numbed Disney robot. Although, I do find it strange that my wardrobe now consists entirely of red shorts and yellow shoes.

In the past ten years I have been to Disney World four times and changes are inevitable and this year was no different. Here are some notes I made while on the various rides.

GM's Test Track - the ride now consists of Michael Eisner driving you around in a 1988 Cavalier while playing old Tears for Fears albums. The car smells of a bad catalytic converter. Eisner drops you off at a building on the back lot where you have to assemble a new GM car before returning.

It's a Small World - apparently the automatic system for the boat has broken down so we had to paddle it around while singing the song. Most small children were removed from the boats and dressed in festive international garb. We never saw them again.

Dumbo's Flying Elephants - a guy named Ed with one of those fake elephant noses takes you on a piggy back ride. I just wish he had worn a shirt.

Pirates of the Caribbean - changed to a counter service restaurant. I had the YO HO platter which consisted of a fish stick, rancid cole slaw, and a cup of warm water. Johnny Depp was nice though and he was the only one I saw wearing a hairnet although I think one of his teeth fell into my cole slaw.

Jungle Cruise - I don't remember much about this one. I only remember waking up in the hospital after the quinine had taken effect against the malaria. They say the typhus was a mild case but I still get the chills every now and then. Cold, s-s-s-so c-c-c-old.

Tower of Terror - Now re-dubbed Enron Corp. presents the Tower of Terror, it hasn't changed much. You are taken for a ride to the top and then the bottom drops out and you're scared to death. I think GM might be taking over the ride soon.

Those were just a few of the changes made in the parks. I'm still wondering why they removed Kim Jung Il from It's a Small World, he was so cute, although there was no electricity in that part of the ride. So happy to be back.

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