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Friday, March 25, 2005

Wife Swap meets The Contender

While domestic violence is certainly no laughing matter we are wondering what this article may portend. I don’t know whether Yanni knew what reality TV show he was on, Wife Swap or The Contender. I think the absence of “Sugar Ray” Leonard or Sly Stallone should have given him some indication that punching his adolescent daughter was not the right option especially knowing a camera crew was waiting for him. Now the question is will some wiz over at the networks decide that combining reality television shows will be the next iteration of the genre. Here is what, heaven forbid, we might see next season.

Survivor for the Queer Guy – Jeff Probst takes the guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy to a remote island location giving them only rice, a machete, and a flint. Carson Kressley is immediately put out that the buffs (bandanas to Survivor neophytes) clash with his ensemble. The show is brought to a halt when Ted Allen slices off a finger trying to make canapés out of rice, guava nectar, and tilapia.

American Idol Apprentice – Donald Trump takes American Idol winners or runner-ups and promises them an apprenticeship and a recording contract. The epicene Clay Aiken is brought to tears when fired in the first show and Reuben Studdard is fired when he breaks Donald’s new leather sofa. Then again I have a feeling that Clay Aiken is constantly brought to tears.

Meet my Parents, the Osbournes – Jack Osbourne is betrothed to a good Catholic girl from rural Missouri who does not know his parents. Hilarity ensues as Ozzy bites the head off a bat and asks her if she would like the carcass as a souvenir. The series ends when the girl leaves the Osbournes mansion and heads directly to a convent after bathing in holy water.

Wife Swapping Contender – I’m sure the boys from Contender will be happy when the daughter abusing Yanni is brought in to try his hand at boxing. Sly is heard to remark “Hey, Paulie. That guy's face looks like hamburger.” “My name is Ray, RAY damn-it.”

Bachelor/ Bachelorette – This one is the most obvious, why don’t they cut out all the drama and just introduce the two. PROBLEM SOLVED.

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