It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The new TV show of the Jorge Carlito

I was considering to have a cooking show on the Food Network where I would demonstrate how to make the most delicious dishes of my homeland like Ojo de Vaca con Salsa de Junio, but I call to the food network to ask for a chance to do the audition and conversation with Food Network representative going something like this:

Rep -- Hello?

JCV -- Hello, this is Jorge Carlito Viejo, president and founder of Waste of Time Productions.

Rep -- Excuse me, what?

JCV -- Oh, uh, my name Jorge Carlito Viejo, president and founder of Waste of Time Productions.

Rep -- I'm sorry, sir, I don't know what any of that means. Who are you?

JCV -- I was interested to come down to Food Network for audition to have show where I cook the delicious dish of my homeland of example being Carne de Olor con Feos.

Rep -- Hmmm....nope, didn't understand a word of it.

JCV -- Okay, I speak the more slowly. I wanting to have show of cooking where I am prepare the delicious foods of my homeland in slow motion with close-up for the purpose of salivate the audience and make peoples to eating more food.

Rep -- (sigh) Was that the English language?

JCV -- Which what? Language, what?

Rep -- What?

JCV -- What you say just now before?

Rep -- No, I didn't understand you. What?

JCV -- No, I say the what first.

Rep -- What?

JCV -- The what?

Rep -- What is the what? What?

And on it go for two hour before phone line get mysteriously disconnected. So I will not have cooking show. I am planning now for next great Jorge Carlito Viejo adventure. Maybe amusement park called Crooked Clown Paradise with eight hundred clowns roaming around making balloons and knitting.

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