It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Would you like a Biggie Toes with that?

From the files of the grotesque comes this story. In particular the line that caught my attention is the following:

"This individual apparently did take a spoonful, did have a finger in their mouth and then, you know, spit it out and recognized it," said Ben Gale, director of the department of environmental health for Santa Clara County. "Then they had some kind of emotional reaction and vomited."

The passage is rife with interesting tidbits. "Had some kind of emotional reaction"!!! I think that would be abject horror mixed with a feeling of severe nausea to be exact. "Spit it out and recognized it", well spit it out goes without saying but the last part is a little cloudy. Did the reporter mean spit it out and realized it was A FINGER, or spit it out and recognized the finger as in, "Hey, Joe's been looking for that thing. " Something also tells me that the time between "had some kind of emotional reaction" and "vomited" was the smallest measureable increment of time there is. What would Dave Thomas say? "Where's the beef?" Just for fun here is a sampling of the new menu items coming to a Wendyz (to ease F. Johnny Lee's ulcer) near you.

  • Fried Chicken Fingers - hold the chicken
  • Deluxe Earlobe Salad
  • Toefu
  • Spicy Southwest Chipotle Fingernails
  • Triple Burger (Just as gross)
  • Double thick shake with eyelashes

Sorry, I can't go on I'm getting too hungry. I think I'll just eat a Butterfinger. D'OH!!!!!

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