Pump that body!

I know this is going to seem childish, but during a routine check of visitor paths to the site, I came across this blog, and was unable to get beyond the header of the page without snickering convulsively.

The Body Pump!

Of course I just had to write them. I apologise in advance if some of you find this embarrassingly juvenile, but then, what on earth are you doing at this site in the first place?:

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Dear Tami and Craig,

I was fascinated to come across your weblog on the Body Pump, primarily because I've never actually heard of such a thing before. Being naturally curious, I was wondering if you could answer a few questions about this product and its various uses:

1.) What kind of pump is the Body Pump? Is it similar to an air pump, where I would have to push up and down on a handle to get any significant pumping, or is it like a petrol pump, where I set the lever and then sit back and watch as my savings are drained away?

2.) Does this device actually pump the whole body, or merely specific parts of the body? Please be tactful. If necessary, euphemisms would be appreciated. You know, words like "danglers" and "hot potatoes".

3.) Your site seems to indicate that there is Body Pump music. Is this music that one plays whilst body pumping, or is this actually music I could play with a Body Pump? I'm very keen on music, so I'm hoping for the latter. If the Body Pump can double as an instrument, does it require amplification, or will it work just fine acoustically? I'm looking for enough volume to fill a room of about 5,000.

4.) You also mention that there are Body Flow lessons available. Is this a sub-product of Body Pump or something you all have cooked up on the side? I mean, I would expect a certain amount of body pumping would require some body flow as well, but I'd like to be certain of the relationship between the two products before getting my hopes up. I certainly like the sound of flowing and pumping at the same time.

5.) Finally, I noticed there are different versions of the Body Pump. I expect this is for people of different sizes and pumping agility. However, given the potential musical uses of the Body Pump (see #3 above), I was wondering if the different versions were simply Body Pumps that played in different keys, like harmonicas or brass instruments?

Thanks in advance for any responses you send. I hope to be body pumping some day soon. I think some U2 or Chopin would sound great on the Body Pump!

Inquisitively,

Earl Fando,
Co-Editor and Contributor,
The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas
http://unfortunateideas.blogspot.com