It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Sign me up!!!!!!!!

Are you an audiologist? A librarian? A personal coach? If you find yourself in any of these positions, congratulations, US News and World Report thinks you've got one of the top jobs in the country for 2006. Granted if you're the personal coach to say Sean Penn or Jorge Garcia you may not be reaping the rewards you desire but I guess the point is things could be worse. However, if you're an audiologist to a professor of landscape architecture, the sky's the limit and you can expect your life's path to be paved in gold. (Sorry, sarcasm is not my specialty)

Anyway, as we all know these type of articles and theories are a two-sided coin and for every landscape architect there are several thousand busboys, fry cooks, and chicken gut shovelers getting their hands dirty with the commerce that is the backbone of our fine country. Just think of the money generated by the common busboy in his day to day activities. Someone has to make the tub he uses to clean up the dishes, the acrid spray that he cleans the table with, and the biker wallet he uses to hold the $500 bucks a month that he makes. I'll put that up against anything that an occupational therapist or personal coach could generate in real world revenue. Nonetheless, we must face the facts that there are positions that are less than attractive and so I put my nose to the grindstone and came up with the:

Worst Jobs for 2006

10. Ear, Nose, & Throat Physician (Note to self, no nose grindstoning, very painful)
Upside - Loads of money to play golf at your private country club.
Downside - Phlegm

9. Hollywood Divorce Attorney
Upside - Also loads of money to play golf etc. etc.
Downside - Leather chairs smell of Brute everytime Nick Lachey comes by.

8. Lickspittle or toady
Upside - Potential to win Sycophant of the Year Award
Downside - Licking spittle or toads not very pleasant.

7. Dutch Rock and Roll musician
Upside - Bevy of orange-clad hotties chasing you around.
Downside - Mutation

6. Howard Stern's Wardrobe Technician
Upside - Meeting various dubiously famous scumbuckets.
Downside - Ironing Howard's G-string.

5. Suicide Bomber
Upside - All that talk about 72 virgins.
Downside - What, you can't figure this one out for yourselves?

4. Saddam Hussein Lawyer

Upside - Body armor and a wide berth at parties.
Downside - Either way...you're toast.

3. Kim Jung il's Hairdresser
Upside - The joy of working for the "dear leader".
Downside - Partial blindness due to the volume of hairspray use.

2. Crash Test Dummy
Upside - Free snacks in the lounge.
Downside - Decapitations 24/7

1. Blogger
Upside - Bringing joy to your readers.
Downside - Bats!!! Bats!!! Get them off me!!! AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!

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