It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

ISO - Is it of the devil?

In my short lament last Wednesday I informed our readership, hello to all five of you, that I had been saddled with the unfortunate task of dealing with my companies ISO 9001 certification. For those of you unfamiliar with ISO 9001 it is a certification process by an international body to show that your company follows a consistent process so that dogs and cats don’t go sleeping together and the like. The origins of what we now know as ISO – International Sensibility Obstructers, date back to World War II and British munitions factories. Seems the Tommies had a problem of blowing themselves sky high because some dork with a pencil protector wasn’t there to audit their internal processes. Personally, I’m all for natural selection and if the little buggers couldn’t keep from incinerating each other the general population was probably better off, at LEAST they knew the munitions worked.

I will now endeavor to explain in detail the workings of ISO 9001. First, the discreet lamentations of the momblyfarbs reach a cacophony as the soothing winds blow down the box canyon walls making butterflies and moths swoon. The large dangle toads flip leaves of grass into the morbid torrent as languid porpoises wilt alongside rivers of sweet nougat. After that the process turns to auguring down cantaloupe fields in feather winged doughnuts while lizards ignite torches and search for portly investment bankers swimming in the courts of public opinion. At least that is how it was explained to me, only they were more vague and confusing.

Since you may not have the sense of what most ISO lovers feel I’ll show you how the great munitions plant disasters of the forties were solved with a pictorial display.

I hope this gives everyone a little sampling of my world these last few weeks. If not please e-mail me and I will come to your house and throw habanero salsa in your eyes.

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