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Monday, September 12, 2005

The Battle for Fun

Stew and I were having lunch today when he mentioned that a car in the car park, outside the Mexican restaurant we frequent on Mondays, had the following personalized licence plate: CAPTFUN.

This led to a host of questions by me, centering on on central premise: Just how "fun" can someone who puts "CAPTFUN" on their license plate truly be?

First of all, if they were really fun, they'd have put CAPNFUN instead, because "Cap'n" is infinitely more fun that "Captain". Case in point: From the following two names, choose the person you think would be more fun.

1. Cap'n Crunch
2. Captain Bligh

Obviously, most of you chose #3, "Maude" (cue "And then there's Maude!")

However, the second choice for most of you would be Cap'n Crunch over Captain Bligh. "Cap'n Crunch" suggests a happy-go-lucky aged seafarer, handing out sweetened corn cereal to the masses of sugar-addicted children of the western world, with none of the awful downsides that one would find with, say "Captain Eo."

Captain Bligh, on the other hand, brings to mind horsewhippings on a salt-encrusted seadeck, repressed buggery, being cast adrift in a leaky dinghy (no jokes, Stew) and desperately clinging to life, and dozens of potentially inbred inhabitants of Pitcairn Island. While this may be standard fare for a Quentin Tarantino film (especially if everyone cuts off each others' heads with a sword or large kitchen implement), it is hardly the stuff of traditional "fun."

So, I propose the following: I shall hereby refer to myself (for the purposes of this bit and whenever it suits me afterwards) as "Cap'n Fun." In doing so, I hereby challenge "CAPTFUN" whoever they are (my current best guess is TV's Bob Saget, who seems to go for that sort of thing...although I don't remember seeign him in the restaurant) to an online "fun-off." This "fun-off", while sounding like a kind of bug spray against fun, will actually consist of a series of taunts lobbed at one another. Since only a half-dozen people seem to read this blog regularly, I thus stand a fair chance at victory.

So, "Captain Fun", whoever you are (Bob!), just what kind of funster are you? How fun can you possibly be, with the title "Captain?" Rather formal isn't it? Why not just go with "Chief Warrant Officer Fun" (CHWOFUN), or Lieutenant Colonel Fun (LICOFUN)?

Where's Tenille, Captain? Where's your little Skipper's hat and electric piano? How about a verse of Muskrat Love? (Although in fairness, America covered it first.) Captain, indeed! You had a bleeding variety show and I'm not sure you spoke a single word! Ah, The Captain and Tennille, right up there with Shields and Yarnell! In fact, I suspect they were the same people. In private, I'm sure your lovely wife sings "Love Will Keep Us Together" whilst doing "the robot." (No double-entendre intended)

Capt. - The ball's in your court!

P.S. ...and don't try to play the Captain Kirk card on me! That'll just get you ridiculed as a Trekkie. Or I'll bring up Mr. Tambourine Man! How fun could that be?

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