It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Hey Mick, cut me... and a little lipo wouldn't hurt.

News is out that Sly Stallone is going to lace up the gloves for another installment of the Rocky series, soon to be sextet. I hadn't seen Sly since the end of his reality series with Sugar Ray where they were going to find the next Gerry Cooney or something like that. Needless to say, at 60 Sly is not the lithe boxer of his younger days and needs to shed a few pounds and tone up a little bit. I did get my hands on a copy of the screenplay and would like to share a few excerpts with you.

INT ROCKY'S GYM DAY

Rocky is seen going around to various young boxers at stations giving them advise and showing them a few of the old moves. He has an oxygen tank that he is pulling around from which he takes copious breaths of the life sustaining air.

Rocky: Yo, you got ta (deep breath) jab quicker there. Move (deep breath) your feet!!

Paulie: Hey Rock, can I see ya's for a minute.

Rocky struggles to move his 350 pound frame into the office pulling the oxygen tank.

Paulie: Rock, it's a done deal. We fight the new champ in November.

Rocky: Good job Paulie, (deep breath followed by coughing) I'm going to show the kid what I got.

Paulie: I got them to guarantee us a thousand bucks and a two for one at Bennigan's.

Rocky: You always work a sweet (deep breath) deal der Paulie.

A draft suddenly blows the door to the office shut. A strange chill is felt by Rocky as he takes another long drag from the oxygen mask.

Disembodied voice: (scraggily) Roooock, Rooooooooccckkk.

Rocky: Mick, (deep breath) is that you?

Mick appears in the room with them as a ghostly apparition.

Mick: Who did'ja think it was, George Washington?

Rocky: Mick, what (deep breath) are you doing here?

Mick: I came to save you from yourself ya big palooka. What are ya thinking?

Rocky: Do ya mean my title fight against the (deep breath) champ?

Mick: Hell yeah, look at 'cha. You're as doughy as da Pilsbury Doughboy's obese twin brudda.

Rocky: If I (deep breath) only had ya to train me Mick. Remember when I (deep breath) chased the chickens.

Mick: Ya'd be eatin' em now ya disgusting lump. Don't say I didn't warn ya! (disappears)

Rocky: MIIII(deep breath)IICCCKKKK!!!!!!!!!

It won't be a pretty sight believe me. It would be like Kirk Douglas doing a reprisal of his turn as Spartacus.

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