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Monday, October 10, 2005

Esther whiffs too much Ether

As reported by yours truly last week, Madonna's new Kabbalah song has wrankled some within her own faith. Several resolute rabbis resent the ribald rhymster's record referring to the founder of Kabbalah, George Gobel...I'm sorry Yitzhak Luria. Now, I'm certainly not a Madonna apologist but I feel sorry that she has gotten herself into this situation with her new pseudo-religion and felt I should try to help her out. I wrote a letter to Rabbi Raphael Cohen to see if I could smooth things over for poor Esther.


Dear Rabbi Cohen,


How's it hangin'? I just wanted to send a short note stating that you guys should take it easy on poor Madonna/Esther. She has most recently fallen on her head during a riding mishap and can't be 100%, as a matter of a fact I don't think she's been 100% in a few years if you get my drift. On the plus side though she has stopped wearing those conical bustiers so there may be hope for her yet, although, I did hear that she got great reception and could pick up AM stations from as far away as Tibet. I wonder if those things work with DirectTV? But I digress. Many of my best friends are Jews, I can't think of any of their names right now, but I did hear a good joke with a rabbi in it last week.


Rosh HaShannah morning, the synagouge is packed and the devil decides to pay a visit.


The doors burst open, and a rolling black cloud rolls in with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming - all except for two. One is the Rabbi, the other is an elderly farmer.


Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Rabbi and says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you are in G-d's house, you preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me. But YOU (points to the farmer), why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?"


The farmer crosses one leg over the other and drawls, "Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me...I've been married to your sister for 36 years!"


What I'm trying to say here is give little Madonna/Esther/Ciccone (hmmm Cic_cone, that might explain it) the break she needs. Here's wishing you steady hands at the next bris.


Sincerely,


Stew Miller
Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas

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