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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

"Oh, you must have been a beautiful monkey..."

Yesterday we learned of previously unpublished photos of the famous “Scopes Monkey Trial” found at the Smithsonian Museum. While this is undoubtedly a boon to historians and egghead types, it does not mean a great deal to the common man or Joe Six-pack of the country. In order to bring a little more interest to the story we must enter: BIZARRO WORLD()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Planet of the Apes (July 19) – Today photos were found at the Dr. Zaius Museum of Antiquities which depict the famous Zira Human Trial that determined the teaching of evolution (apes evolving from man) could not be taught in the public schools. The trial took place when the chimpanzee Zira was discovered to be teaching evolution using a restricted textbook to her students which violated the law set down by the Council and Ministry of Science. Cornelius Darrow defended Zira and William Jennings Bryan, or Coco as he was known, prosecuted the trial. The trial ended in a conviction of Zira and she was banished to the Forbidden Zone along with Cornelius for six months. The photos discovered at the museum are displayed below.

William Jennings "Coco" Bryan, lawyer for the plaintiff.

Cornelius Darrow, famous chimp lawyer.

Zira, teacher at P.S. 107

Judge Raulston

Bryan (Coco) seen during voir dire. He had a unique way of picking a jury.

The jury reacts during the defense phase of the trial.

Darrow's famous cross-examination of Bryan ends unexpectedly.

A surprise witness for the defense. Smelled oddly of gunpowder.

"When you pry it from my cold, dead hands. You damn dirty apes. And I ain't talkin' about the gun."

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