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Monday, February 28, 2005

The day after...

My apologies to Earl and our adored viewing audience but after my bout with the "technicolorus vomitus" and network difficulties I have returned. I'm like the E! (kind of like Yahoo! isn't it) after Oscar show where Joan Rivers complains about women wearing better dresses than she is wearing. Since I missed the live blogging last night I will give you my impression of what were the hits and misses.

Miss - Chris Rock as the host. A few good one-liners does not an Academy Awards host make. I felt like I was at the Comedy Store watching the comedian who had enough jokes for a half-hour show trying to push it to the full hour. His improvisation skills were as clumsy as Gerald Ford doing the old O.J. "Running through the airport" Hertz commercials.

Hit - Clint Eastwood winning any award. The guy is just cool personified. I especially liked the way he just went up and down the steps when he won for Best Director and Best Picture. The other schmucks were hustled off backstage, but not Clint, he just headed back down to his seat to chew on some rawhide or something.

Miss - Sean Penn defending Jude Law. I think Sean had hit the Guinness a little early when he came out to anounce the Best Actress category. He sounded like the drunk guy you see defending his buddy. "Heesh the best guy a guy could ever knowwww!!!!!" I half expected him to challenge Chris Rock to a fist-fight. All of a sudden there would be a knockdown/dragout fight involving the entire front half of the hall. Clint Eastwood would grab Johnny Depp by the lapels and pull him up, Depp yelling "Not in the face" and Clint would land one in the old bread basket. Prince would be scratching Beyonce's eyes out... well you get the picture.

Hit - Jamie Foxx winning for his portrayal of Ray Charles. I actually saw the first half of this movie during the weekend, having children I was unable to finish it. I forgot about Foxx until they annouced his name at which point I knew who would walk away with the trophy. Only Ray Charles was more Ray Charles than Jamie Foxx. That's the best way I can put it. I didn't know until I watched Barbara Walters special that Jamie had actually been rendered blind for the filming of the movie though...wow, talk about suffering for your art.

Miss - Moving the "lesser" awards to the aisles of the theater. What's next, we just have a quick announcement by the host of who won them? We could just have a scroll run at the end of the evening showing them so we don't have to see their disgusting little visages or hear their slobbering "Thanks to my mother who passed on this year and gave me the inspiration to make this Academy Award winning piece." On second thought, let's just go BACK TO THE WAY IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN. There, I feel better now.

Hit - The appearance by Lukas P. Short. Earl wondered earlier who that was running backstage. Well, it didn't take me long to realize, by the Stetson in his hand and his patented "serpentine" swagger, that it was our old friend Lukas. I called him on his cell phone to tell him I saw him but he was in a big shouting match with Rob Schneider who was holding his place and wouldn't give it up.

Well, that is just a quick rundown of some of what I took away from the awards ceremony last night. Hopefully next year we can do a three or four man strong live blog, like the riffing these awards truly deserve.

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Oh, and bang-up job to Earl, he did great as the one man show.

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