It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Blackout at Bob's Big Boy Burbank

At the Bob's Big Boy restaurant in Burbank, power was out for about 90 minutes. "All we could serve were salads and cold sandwiches, no hamburgers," manager Frank Rodriguez said. - Associated Press concerning the Sept. 12 blackout in L.A.

Scene 1

(Fade up at the counter of Bob's Big Boy in Burbank, CA. It is a lazy summer afternoon, waitresses and busboys are busy taking orders and cleaning tables. Frank Rodriguez enters and says hello to a few of the patrons before sitting down at a table.)

Frank: Fred, how are things up at the studio? (he takes Fred's bill and signs it before giving back to one of the waitresses going by)

Fred: Oh, we've been busier. I've got a new Lindsey Lohan/ Fred Grandy vehicle we think is going to blow people's doors off.

Frank: Oh, yeah he was Beaver on the Love Boat right?

Fred: Gopher. His nickname was Gopher. We're into the fifth rewrite now but we think it's progressing well only we can't convince Lindsey not to sing. We may just have to throw a Herbie on her.

Frank: (Getting up to leave) Hey, good luck on that! Talk at ya later Fred.

(Frank starts to enter the kitchen when the lights flicker and then go out. There are screams heard in the distance and Julio the head cook goes running out of the kitchen in flames crashing through a large plateglass window at the front of the restaurant. Frank runs to the front, grabs an extinguisher and puts out Julio then pulls out the ISO 9001 manual.)

Frank: (breathing hard) Gotta be something in here about power outages! Let's see, follow flowchart 3.2.5 to determine emergency situation to respond to... chart 3.2.5, 3.2.5, here it is, does the emergency require immediate action to extinguish a member of the staff engulfed in flames...boom baby, hit it the first time. It's a power outage for sure.

Waitress 1: Frank, what's going on? (she is firing an AK-47 at looters who are trying to steal some frozen pre-formed hamburger patties)

Frank: Book says it's a power outage, where the hell is FEMA!?!?!?! Ok, Tess break out the MRE's, Cobb salads, and frozen roast beef and rye sandwiches and load up the howitzer. Rita, get me all of the gauze bandages and iodine you can.

Waitress 2: What are we going to do about Drew Carey's stripper, she wants a warm-up on her mocha java?

Frank: (beads of sweat forming on his head) (to himself) Come on Frank calm down, think man think...(to Waitress 2) Offer her a free doughnut and give her a coupon for a free ice cream cone.

Waitress 2: (look of deep passion) I love you! (grabs a doughnut and heads out)

Frank (raising hands to the sky in a Willem Dafoe Platoon sort of way) Why did you do this to us, WHHHYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Scene 2

(Later that minute)

Julio: Frank, power's back on.

Fin

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