It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Jorge Carlito Critiques American Idol

American Idol is the fab fresh phenom of the modern American scene, or so I read in those newspaper article where they tell you what is fab fresh like "Desperation Housemans" or whatever that TV show called. I decide to follow the season of American Idol this current semester and watch carefully each contestant to judge on this forum what is stink and not stink about each person who try to sing on that show. Here are the contestant of this season and my opinion unfettered by ethics.

George McJorjithicket Jr. -- He sing Whitney Houston songs every week like "I'm Every Woman" and "Going to the Zoo not Fun when Monkey Bite Buttocks" and many other Whitney Houston hits from 1985-1997. His voice kind of high like the girl voice and his hair sort of the feathery too pretty type of hairs. I voted for him seventeen times with the redial.

Laurence Hightop -- He singing many interesting songs by the diva known as Aretha Franklin such as "Respect" and "Stab Yo Man" and "Where'd M'Dress Fall Off To?" Laurence sort of the shaky voice type singer where the vocal always goes up and down really fast sort of like the El Camino that went into a lake and lay on the bottom but somehow the engine is still idling where people on shore can hear it. Laurence sort of bother me when he sings because I think he looking at me and judging me.

Claramore Ardamore Phint -- She singing many gorgeous songs like "Take Me Home Tonight" and other classics by Eddie Money and others such as Beach Boys, Beatles, Surfing Dogg Stipples and Grunge Pirates of Omaha. My favorite performance when she sing "I Think Yer Mama Fell Out A Window" by Dolly Parton. It put the shiver of joy down the back of Jorge Carlito. I vote for her sixty three times with the Vonage redial.

Uithykle Jones -- Good singer from the borough of Staten Island sing in a husky voice like the man-woman. She have the fire red hair and sing the Sting classics like "Roxanne" and "I'll Be Watching You" and "I'm Still Watching You" and "I Was Watching You, but I Got Bored so I Went to Wendy's and Had Some Human Finger Chili Instead" and "I Never Watched You; It Was All A Lie, But I Did Have Human Finger Chili." This lady not the good style singer but the kind that makes kittens jump into the turned on oven. I vote for her three times and cried in shame each time.

Anyway, that is all the singers on that show, I think. I don't know. I was sitting pretty far away from the TV when I watched, so maybe some of my details are wrong. Simon Cow is the main guy, though, I know that, and Mr. Cow very smart record man. I will stayed glued to my TV just like you, America. But after a while the glue burns the skin off my hand, so maybe I will have to use paint thinner to unstick glue after a few hours.

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