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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

A Thanksgiving Meditation

As that particularly American holiday of Thanksgiving approaches, I'd just like to take some time off of my intensive labour on the novel (see the numerous posts below), and the countless electric shocks that the people at National Novel Writers Month send me when I fall behind on the wordage, to present a short list of some things that I, Earl Fando, am deeply thankful for.

Earl Fando's Very Special Thanksgiving List

by Earl Fando, author of a novel to be named at a later date.

-I'm thankful for my lovely and loving wife and our wonderful daughter.

-I'm thankful for my mum and dad, and my mother and father-in-law.

-I'm thankful for my extended family and friends and my brothers and sisters in Christ.

-I'm thankful for all those people from the U.S. and U.K. serving in uniform, God bless you all and keep you safe.

-I'm thankful for my co-contributors on The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas: Stew Miller, Nuffy Noe, Zimpter Fiforg, Linus Coconut, and Jorge Carlito Viejo, may he be paroled soon.

-I'm thankful for the fact that Stew is posting again, which means that he is still alive and did not disappear on the golf course as was rumoured.

-I'm thankful for the fact that Nuffy is apparently still with us as well, despite the fact that his posting rate is quickly reaching Zimpterian proportions.

-I'm thankful for the fact that Zimpter and Linus haven't deleted their existing posts and denied all participation on and knowledge of this blog.

-I'm thankful for Danny DeVito's sense of mercy, which translated into a lighter sentence for Jorge, including reduced flogging.

-I'm thankful for the collected humour of Michael J. Nelson, Dave Barry, Steve Martin, and the members of Monty Python, all of whom would be welcomed as members of this blog as they would likely post more than many of the other members.

-I'm thankful that the above mentioned writers and performers allow me to continue dreaming that they would sink so low as to participate on this blog by resisting the urge to have their lawyers send cease and desist letters, by not writing letters of outrage and condemnation themselves, and indeed, by seemingly being entirely unaware of the very existence of this blog.

-I'm thankful for bacon, pizza, Bass Ale, boiled peanuts, chocolate ganouche, southern-fried chicken, carne asada, curry, and nachos with queso and sliced jalapenos.

-I'm thankful that I can still eat all of the above and not drop dead from a massive coronary.

-I'm thankful for football of all kinds, particularly the kind associated with Arsenal. (Thanks to Theirry and Arsene for being a part of that, too.)

-I'm thankful for Blogger, and that it is available to those of us who wish to reach out to the world electronically, for at least 3.5 hours on any given day.

-I'm thankful for Google for supporting Blogger to distract from their secret deals with the Chinese Communists.

-I'm thankful for the inventors of the Internet for creating such a wonderful network and being modest enough to let Al Gore hog all the credit.

-I'm thankful for President Bush's commitment to stopping terrorists and for not including comedy blogger satirists on the list of enemy combatants.

-I'm thankful for Presidents past and present for giving comedy blogger satirists something to write about and doing so in massive volume.

-I'm thankful for the excesses and absurdities of international celebrities, because there's no way even creatively perverse bloggers like ourselves could make up such hilarious crap. No, seriously, we'd never have thought of most of that stuff, even if we resorted to drugs.

-I'm thankful for Tom Cruise and his continued resistance to psychiatry, because if they straightened him out, our post volume here would drop by 25%.

-I'm thankful Oprah, Uma, Cher, and Regis never changed their names.

-I'm thankful for Three's Company for being so completely appalling. It's like a bottomless canteen for humourists. I'm also thankful for Happy Days, starting with the episode where Fonzie jumps the shark, literally.

-I'm thankful that the Scientologists still don't consider us worth the time to harass.

-I'm thankful that Kim Jung Il is not from Vermont, where he might get 5% of the vote.

-I'm thankful that listening to Rap music is voluntary. Ditto for Country-Western, though I do like Bluegrass music, FWIW.

-I'm thankful to know that, should Osama Bin Laden ever appear on our shores, 3 out of 4 Americans would instantly kick his arse.

-I'm thankful for Walker's Scottish Shortbread, which I really should have inlcuded above. Crunchie bars, too.

-I'm thankful that kilts are out of fashion in America, because I haven't the legs anymore.

-I'm thankful for Cameron Diaz, because the simple mention of her name here just drove hits up 500%.

-and last but not least, I'm thankful for you our loyal readers (and also those of you who have stumbled onto this site by accident looking for news about the final Lemony Snicket book, which my daughter loved). We all appreciate you and hope you will regularly visit again.

Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving,
Earl

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