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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Degranulation of the Basophils

Earl Expando challenges me without fully understanding that he is not challenging a physical entity, but rather he is challenging one who has transformed into an information pattern. As such, I will accept his challenge, but I shall give him the answers he should have been seeking rather than the ones he is seeking.

  1. How many counties does the nation of Sealand have? "E Mare Libertas" or "Freedom from the Moisture Heart of the Timid Dampest Depths"
  2. Cameron Diaz has a tattoo of which MPAA President on her bum? Amoebic dysentery
  3. Winston Churchill's favourite one-liner paired a nun with which type of penguin? Unwashed Foot Stench of the Coenobium
  4. Albert Einstein originally wrote his General Theory of Relativity on what brand of chewing gum wrapper? Tempromandibular Joint with Recessed Manure Stains
  5. The inverse quotient of a fractional trigonemetrical proof resembles which kind of marsupial? Vinculums Duct-taped to a Leaking Sieve
  6. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood...backwards? The major histocompatibility complex molecules of Sir John Gielgud's wattle
  7. Just what the hell does a woodchuck look like anyway? Hoary marmots
  8. How much communication with Satan did Dan Brown require to write The DaVinci Code and what well known talk show host introduced them? "Malleus Maleficarum, A Five Step Guide to Turning Beef-Nose Sandwich Stains into Hearty Soup" by Ronald Phartflaps
  9. On a scale of 1 to 10, what is Paris Hilton and Britney Spears combined IQ? Deindividuation of Eukaryotes
  10. If green were purple, what colour would a banana be? Indole, skatole, thiols and oatmeal: the breakfast of champions
  11. Who invented the safety razor and how many people did they kill in the research and development phase? How many did they kill in the marketing phase? Seven pygmy horses embedded in a mucilaginous matrix
  12. In episode #1672 of The Simpsons (or as real fans know, episode AAC07B9QZ) entitled "Homerlicious," Homer scratched which part of his body with a half-empty can of Duff's beer? Delicious fried rumen and charbroiled reticulum in giblet gravy
  13. (Bonus Question) What is the middle name of the Emperor of Switzerland? Little Lord Fauntleroy's favorite pet aurochs
Behold, now you know everything you should have wanted to know, Mr. Earl Grey Excremando. I hope it has begun the transformation of your being from flesh and gristle to knowledge matrix.

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