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Saturday, January 06, 2007

Now, that's a bra!

A St. Petersburg, Florida woman was spared serious injury when the strap of her "cheap" bra slowed down a .45 caliber bullet that was fired in her direction. We at DOUI are of course very happy for this woman's safety (and hope she casts a vote for us in the upcoming Bloggies). We are also, already imagining the repurcussions:

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[Bra commercial - A 20's something woman stands in her front yard, wearing a thin, tight sweater]

Woman: I love my new Playtex Cheapo! The metal underwire offers me real lift and support [Close up of bosom, well lifted and supported], the fabric is soft and breathable [Shot of several men, watching woman's bosom, sighing in unison], and the straps are great protection in my rough neighborhood!

[Shot of mugger running by. He fires gun at woman, twice. Woman throws each shoulder and corresponding breast forward in quick motion. Sparks fly off of bra straps as bullets are deflected. Pan to men watching woman, one of whom is lying on the ground, dead from a gunshot wound. The other men are watching him.]

Man: [weeping] That's just how Joe would've wanted to go.

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[Dirty Harry remake. Harry has caught up to criminal and is now pointing his .44 caliber revolver at him. The criminal's automatic pistol is lying nearby, the criminal eyeing it nervously.]

Harry: I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

Punk: [Smiling] Actually, it don't matter! [Rips off shirt, revealing bra underneath]

Harry: Damn!! [Shoots punk, but the bullet is deflected by the bra-strap. Punk grabs gun and shoots Harry twelve more times than is possible with the cartridge in his gun.]

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