It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Offensive U.S. State Names

Nuffy, Stew and I were exchanging a bit of e-mail this week, when Nuffy informed us that the state of Indiana would soon be changing its name to "Multiculturiana," so as not to give offense to people of Indian or Native American descent.

I'm sorry, but I feel this does not go far enough. "Washington" is very offensive to people in the cleaning industry. "Florida" obviously mocks florists and women named "Flora."

There's more. "Oklahoma" has long insulted people who grow oak groves. (Sample insult: "Is Oklahoma 'la homa de Oaks?" Well, Har-dee-har-har.) "Wisconsin" has long troubled people with criminal records. "Massachusetts" is the bane of Catholic railroad engineers. "New Hampshire," "New York," and "New Mexico" are especially insulting to people from Hampshire, York, and Mexico (as well as confusing to Homer Simpson, who once remarked, "Hey, there's a *New* Mexico!") "Illinois" taunts the chronically sick, "Louisiana" humiliates French kings and American trumpet players, "North Carolina" and "South Carolina" are invective upon people named Carol, "Mississippi" is derogatory to manufacturers of straws and "sippy" cups, "Pennsylvania" is an especially grave epithet against writing implements manufactured by vampires...

...and of course I need not explain what old profession the name "Idaho" has heaped scorn upon. ("You da what?") It is the exact opposite of the degrading mockery that is "Virginia."

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