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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Improving Language for All Humanity

My coining of the now-ubiquitous adjective "torfivious" has inspired me to go ahead and create a whole new language. Now, I know this has been done before. When Markthrough McBarty invented Esparanto in 1923, he hoped to create one universal language that would replace all the regional dialects of the earth, thereby ushering in a new era of Tower of Babel building and earth-searing judgment from Heaven. Fortunately for one and all, he failed, failing so utterly that he was disowned by his family and exiled from his home country of Moldavia, forced to live on a small island in the south central Atlantic and subsist on a diet of coconuts and camel bowels.

In order not to repeat his embarrassing and legendary failure, I will not do as he did, writing up a whole pretend grammar book and dictionary of pseudo-words and foisting them upon a frail and whimpering public of literature-eschewing cake eaters. Instead, following the path of Five Times Betterness that I have both invented and perfected, I will introduce my new language gradually and effervescently, one word at a time.

Therefore, today's word is "Limarnorbunago." Yes, li-mar-NOR-bu-NA-go. Roughly it is translated, "Like Mark Northover but Not as Good" but could also be translated "Similar to Mark Northover in many ways, but certainly not as good as that torfivious individual." I think this new adjective will be appropriate for any and all situations dealing with one or more of the following 1) mediocrity, 2) simpletonism, 3) less-than-Five-Times-betterness, 4) disgraceful ineffectualness, 5) bland goodness, 6) non-excellence, 7) odors.

So, there we go, my fine and upstanding readers. The language of Nuffy Noe has begun. Already the glossary contains two words. Here, then, is the entire glossary of Nuffy Noe language, so you can memorize it and begin to replace your local dialects with it.

Limarnorbunago -- li-mar-NOR-bu-NA-go -- adj. -- 1) Like Mark Northover but not as good, 2) Possessing a very limited number of Mark Northoverish qualities but in lesser fashion than Mark Northover himself, 3) not being very good in comparison to Mr. Mark Northover, 4) having one too many unpleasant odors emanating from the mouth region.

Torfivious -- tor-FIV-i-us -- adj -- 1) being Five Times the genius and actor of so-called normal human beings, 2) the quality of actually being Mark Northover himself, 3) being someone other than not-Mark Northover

I thank you in advance for peppering your everyday speech with these two words.

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