Star Wars Redeux

So, in between my temporary hobby of annoying people on the 2006 Weblog Awards message board, I took in Star Wars the other evening on the telly. That would be Star Wars IV: A New Hope.

Yes, I know it's actually referred to as Star Wars by anyone with a working cerebral cortex, but George Lucas intended it to be episode four in a six film series, despite the confusing fact that he made it first. This chronological disparity explains a great number of problems that crop up in the jump between Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and Episode IV, the...erm... first film:

Episode III: Really acrobatic light saber fights
Episode IV: Alec Guinness can barely move and hold his light sabre at the same time

Episode III: Sleek, fast warships with a variety of weapons
Episode IV: Clunky, Soviet-era sci-fi ships that blow-up like a Roman candle, probably from the model glue used to put them together

Episode III: Bizarre varieties of creatures that move freely in space as if completely real
Episode IV: Jim Henson-variety canteena band that play wind instruments despite a noticeable lack of lips

Episode III: Massively complex special effects, including explosions and multiple blaster battles
Episode IV: Large cigar smoke ring added to Death Star explosion - If you listen closely to the explosion, you can hear Castro laughing in the background

Episode III: Natalie Portman as the sexy love interest of Annakin Skywalker.
Episode IV: Carrie Fisher as the sexy love interest to Luke Skywalker, even though she turns out to be his sister... That's the 70's for you, people

Episode III: Annakin Skywalker deals with the Tusken Raiders in a violent, complex battle
Episode IV: Obi-Wan Kenobi scares off the Tusken Radiers by doing his impersonation of a doddering scarecrow

So, the chronology (time thingy for those of you wondering why everything has to be so bloody technical) really mucks things up. For those of you who, like myself, are cineastes (which is French for "film geek"*) here is a link to all the changes they had to make to Star Wars, Episode IV to give it some semblance of occurring after the events in Episode III.

My favourite: "When Obi-Wan makes a call to scare away the Tusken Raiders, it has been changed, due to sounding too closely like a dew back scream. In the 2004 version it sounds more like the Boga lizard from Episode III, although it has always said to be the call of the Krayt Dragon in books and other sources."

I knew it was the Boga lizard! Now, that's attention to detail.

*No, we don't bite the heads off of live chickens. We use mock-ups provided by Industrial Light and Magic.